


wishful thinking

by sailormarsbars



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Boss/Employee Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Moral Dilemmas, Single Dad Lee Sangyeon, very brief daddy kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:02:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27887989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sailormarsbars/pseuds/sailormarsbars
Summary: "Okay." Kevin said, voice suddenly quiet. "It's...um. It’s. An acronym."Sangyeon nodded. Made sense. Still didn't explain what it meant, though. "Yeah? What's it stand for?"Kevin took in a deep breath. Like he was seconds away from diving off a board hundreds of feet above a tiny pool. "It's - oh, God." He covered his face again, shoulders hunching, ears burning a fiery red. "It's...Daddy. Daddy I'd like to fuck."
Relationships: Lee Sangyeon/Moon Hyungseo | Kevin
Comments: 20
Kudos: 216
Collections: Die Jungz Fest (R1)





	wishful thinking

**Author's Note:**

> prompt #80 by [scbaes](https://twitter.com/scbaes?s=21)  
> Café owner Sangyeon is in his late thirties, but still likes to think of himself as pretty hip. However, he finds himself confused by current day terminology when he overhears one of his attractive younger employees refer to him as a 'DILF'. Naturally, he asks them to stay back for a moment after work to enquire about what being a 'DILF' means, exactly.
> 
> beta’d by [connahquay](https://twitter.com/connahquay?s=21%E2%80%9D%20rel=) and [strawbrrycreme](https://twitter.com/strawbrrycreme?s=21%E2%80%9D%20rel=)
> 
> if u take my fic and repost it i will force feed you your own toes

Sangyeon hadn't meant to eavesdrop.

"I just don't get it." Kevin had said, stirring his coffee harder than necessary. Even from a couple tables away Sangyeon could see drops of it rolling down the side and onto the table. "He's totally fucking oblivious."

The café hadn't been busy, not for an hour or so. It'd started to grow later in the evening, the café only a couple of short hours away from closing. Few customers were left, mostly college students clicking around and typing away on their laptops. One of them had been a familiar face. 

Kevin’s roommate and friend. Chanhee, if Sangyeon had remembered correctly. He didn't go to the café very often. When he did, he tended to keep to himself at one of the more secluded tables away from the front. That day had been no exception, Kevin tugging off his apron and hurrying far back to the table Chanhee was sat at as soon as his break started. 

Chanhee had ignored what Kevin said, narrowed eyes focused intently on the screen of his laptop. The brightness from the screen had made the bags under his eyes even more obvious. 

"Chanhee!" Kevin had whined, reaching a hand over to grab at Chanhee's wrist. "Pay attention to me. I'm having a quarterlife crisis."

Chanhee had rolled his eyes but relented, shutting his laptop. "There." He'd said, resting his arms on top of it. "What were you saying?"

Sangyeon hadn't been paying either of them much mind as they'd talked, busying himself with tidying up since the café was nearly empty. Wiping down tables, adjusting chairs. There wasn't much else he could do before the café finally closed, most of the work remaining for when the doors were locked. 

Maybe if he hadn't been so bored, he wouldn't have eavesdropped. Unfortunately, refilling napkin dispensers and organizing sugar packets wasn't the most exciting thing in the world. So, he'd muted the music on his headphones and listened to the sounds of the café, Kevin's voice loud enough to catch his attention first. 

Especially when Sangyeon heard his name mentioned. 

"Sangyeon." Kevin had said once Chanhee finally looked up, a little quieter than before but still loud enough for Sangyeon to pick up on. He never was any good at keeping quiet. Sangyeon had looked away just in time before Kevin's eyes darted over to him. "And the fact he's a total fucking DILF?"

"Oh my God." Chanhee had groaned, burying his face into his hands. "Are you still on about that? I thought you got that DILF shit out of your system after you fucked Kyungil."

Kevin scoffed. "There is a big difference between Kyungil and Sangyeon."

"You mean one isn't your boss and doesn't have a kid? I'd say so."

Sangyeon took it as his cue to leave when Chanhee started to stand, turning on his heel and booking it back to the front of the café. He still had a couple tables in the back that needed wiping down, but he decided to forget about it. There was something much more important on his mind, banging around in his head like a stray bullet.

_What the fuck is a DILF?_

The term refused to leave his mind, made worse by the fact it had something to do with. Sex. He'd tried desperately to block it out, though. Thinking too deeply into that aspect made him feel lightheaded. The connotations were too much for his mind to handle.

It was just...so embarrassing thinking about it. Not really because it was sexually driven. He'd known for a while Kevin was attracted to him and had mostly managed to ignore it. It was more the fact he wasn't as caught up on slang the younger generation used. It made him have to face the fact he wasn't as "hip" as he liked to think he was.

He was only 37. Not necessarily young by the standard of someone Kevin's age. College students looked at people Sangyeon's age as past their prime; so close to death they might as well check themselves into hospice. 

He wasn't old, though. Maybe his joints creaked when he moved a little too fast. And maybe he groaned every time a group of preteens came into the café without adult supervision. Old, though? No. Middle aged? Sure, fine. Not old. No. No way.

Being introduced to slang he didn’t understand sometimes did make him feel old, though. This was no exception, only made worse by the fact the connotations were...less than innocent. Maybe if he knew it was something harmless, he would've asked Kevin on the spot.

He wasn't about to embarrass himself or Kevin like that. Especially with Chanhee there. He wasn't enough of an asshole to embarrass Kevin in front of a friend. 

He'd wait till they were alone to ask Kevin. No customers or other coworkers. Just the two of them, alone, in a small room, extremely close to each other. Talking about a conversation about Sangyeon that he’d overheard while eavesdropping, that Kevin had thought was private. A conversation that had sexual connotations. Nothing awkward or embarrassing about that at all.

If he'd had the chance, he would've just taken the time to search it up on his phone. He wasn't so old he was completely incompetent with technology. Circumstances weren’t in his favor, unfortunately. 

Just as he was behind the counter and about to take his phone from his pocket a large group of older women walked in. Each had books clutched in their hands as they approached the counter like a pack of snarling wolves. Chanhee didn't stick around long after the last of the women filed in. 

Kevin was at his side in just a few seconds, saying his final goodbyes to Chanhee before tying his apron on in record time. He'd always been such a good worker. Even when he was making Sangyeon experience a midlife crisis. 

Only five minutes before closing did the last of the women file from the café, Kevin behind them with the keys to the door as he hurried them out with overly kind goodbyes. 

As soon as they were completely gone and the door closed behind them Kevin was at the locks, latching and locking them all into place. For the final touch he flipped the sign on the door from Open to Closed. 

"That was interesting." Kevin said, twirling the keys on a finger as he walked back to the counter. "Think they'll be coming back?"

"Hopefully." Sangyeon said, sticking the counted bills back into the tip jar decorated with magazine cut outs of Beyoncé. "They all left pretty good tips."

Kevin laughed as he slid back behind the counter. He gave one of Sangyeon's arms a hard squeeze for just a second too long as he passed by. "Course they did. You have the guns out tonight."

Sangyeon shook his head, not bothering to hide the smug little grin that formed on his lips. "Yeah, whatever you say."

What Kevin said wasn't a total exaggeration, but Sangyeon couldn't help but be slightly flustered by it. He wasn't ashamed to admit he worked out, or that he'd buffed up in the past year more than he'd originally been planning. There was also the sleeve tattoo on his right arm that he'd gotten finished up a few months prior to finally match the one on his left. 

Maybe he showed it off some days he worked, opting for a tank top rather than a t-shirt, especially during the summer. At that point, though, he thought he deserved it. There was nothing wrong with being a bit narcissistic when he’d put in all the effort he had. 

And if it brought some extra tips in, he certainly wasn't going to complain about that. No need to change his habits when they only resulted in good things.

Cleanup for the night fortunately went smooth. The last few hours of the café being open hadn't brought in too many people, and most took their coffee to go instead of using one of the mugs provided for sit in customers. A lack of dishes made everything go by quickly, the cleaning work completely done fifteen minutes before their night officially ended. Kevin was already putting on his coat and hat, his apron off and thrown into the hamper. The door had been unlocked about ten minutes prior.

Perfect time to ask, Sangyeon thought. Just the two of them. Alone. No one was around to overhear. 

He just needed to make sure he didn't make it awkward. Easy. 

"Hey, Kev." Sangyeon started, clutching the edge of the counter like a lifeline. Make it quick and painless for the both of them. That was all he needed to do. Quick and painless. "I gotta ask you something. Don't freak out."

Kevin immediately froze putting on his coat, one of the arms hanging loosely to the side. Already he looked extremely freaked out, his voice even shaking a bit as he asked, "What's up?"

Sangyeon swallowed, forcing down as much of his anxiety as he could. Quick and painless. Don't make it awkward. Don't embarrass yourself. More importantly, don't embarrass Kevin.

“So, uh...I heard you talking to your friend earlier." He tried to keep his voice casual. He didn't want Kevin to think he was mad. That wouldn't do either of them any good. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I heard my name and-"

"You heard what I said?" Kevin asked, eyes wide. 

"Some of it." Sangyeon said. "Just a little bit. Only the part where you called me a DILF? I-"

"Fuck!" Kevin burst out, only to slap a hand over his mouth. His eyes went wide, and his cheeks bloomed red quicker than what seemed physically possible. His mouth moved a mile a second. "Shit - I'm sorry. Oh my God. I'm so sorry you heard that. It was so inappropriate. I'm _so_ sorry. If you have to write me up, I understand but _please_ don't fire me-"

"Kevin." Sangyeon said, stepping away from the counter to grip Kevin by the arms in a light grasp. Just tight enough to get Kevin to stop talking and be still. He kept his voice calm as he said, "Hey, calm down. It's okay."

Kevin looked close to tears, refusing to meet Sangyeon's gaze as he stared down at the floor. He seemed more like a kicked puppy or scolded child as he asked, "How is it okay? Shouldn't you write me up for it?"

Sangyeon blinked. Well. That was. Certainly, more than he'd been expecting. Maybe he should've seen it coming, though. Kevin's mouth worked faster than his brain most of the time. Usually Sangyeon saw it as a side effect of Kevin being too smart for his own good. Now it was just a side effect of fear.

"No, I-" Sangyeon took a deep breath. He hated when Kevin got freaked out, especially when he was the one that'd brought it on. "I just wanted to ask what it meant.”

It took a moment for Kevin to respond. He blinked a few times, still looking scared. Even more scared now if that was possible. "What?"

Sangyeon sighed as he pulled away, dropping his hands back down to his sides. He stepped back to give Kevin his personal space again. "DILF. I don't know what it means. I wanted you to tell me." 

Now that it was out in the air he thought it'd calm Kevin down. It was just a simple question. Nothing crazy. Nothing worth getting written up over.

Or...not.

Almost immediately Kevin was burying his face into his hands, making a sound like a dying whale. From between his fingers Sangyeon could see how much redder his face had gone, now almost blazing to the tips of his ears.

"I don't know if I can say it." Kevin muttered from behind his hands, voice muffled and hoarse. "You'll fire me and then I'll be homeless, and I'll have to live with my mom and-"

"I'm not firing you." Sangyeon said, brow quirked even though Kevin couldn't see. "Listen, I don't care if it's bad."

"It's so bad." Kevin said, high pitched and weak.

If Kevin wouldn’t squeak on his own, Sangyeon knew just how to buy him. "Free strawberry cake for a week."

Kevin peeked from behind his fingers, eyebrows furrowed in contemplation. "For a month.” He said, with no room for discussion. “And you have to promise not to write me up or fire me."

Sangyeon sighed as dramatically as he could, crossing his arms and leaning back against the counter. "Fine," He said, rolling his eyes. "I was looking forward to finally firing my best employee, but I guess I’ll keep you around."

Somehow, Kevin's ears went even redder. He finally pulled his hands away from his face, though, tugging his jacket up till it covered his exposed shoulder. The nervousness was still written clear as day on his face, but he didn't seem so scared now. Less like he was seconds away from bolting out the door.

"Seriously." Kevin said, thin fingers playing with the strings on his jacket. "Promise you won't fire me - or think I'm weird?"

Sangyeon smiled, a little too endeared by Kevin for the situation at hand. "I already think you're weird."

Kevin pouted. "Hyung!"

"Fine, fine." Sangyeon laughed. "No getting fired. No thinking you're weirder than I already do. Promise."

Kevin let out a snort, trying and failing to seem unbothered by the situation at hand. His facade was transparent. He never was any good at acting casual when he needed to. "Okay." He said, voice suddenly quiet. "It's...um. It’s. An acronym."

Sangyeon nodded. Made sense. Still didn't explain what it meant, though. "Yeah? What's it stand for?"

Kevin took in a deep breath. Like he was seconds away from diving off a board hundreds of feet above a tiny pool. "It's." Another deep breath. "Oh, God." He covered his face again, shoulders hunching, ears burning a fiery red. "It's...Daddy. Daddy I'd like to fuck."⤷

It didn't sink in at first. Sangyeon was too busy trying to piece together what Kevin had said, his voice muffled behind his fingers. It only took another moment before Sangyeon realized what Kevin said. His brain went into shock the second he finally managed to piece everything together.

Daddy. Daddy I'd like to fuck.

Oh.

Huh.

Sangyeon swallowed. "That's...uh..." Trying to be casual was a lost cause. How the fuck could he be casual about that? 

Of all fucking things it could've meant, it had to be that. Holy shit.

"It's so stupid!" Kevin rushed out, zipping his jacket up so fast the zipper got caught halfway. He didn't try to fix it. He was far too busy slowly backing away to the door. "And inappropriate! And I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have said it, Sir, I-"

The bell above the glass door jingled violently as it swung closed, Kevin not looking back once as he escaped.

Sangyeon stood there motionless, staring at the door with wide eyes and a racing mind. Whatever it was he'd been expecting, not that he really knew what to expect, it hadn't been anything close to that. He knew it wasn't going to be appropriate but - nothing like that. 

He wasn't sure how to feel about it. All he knew then was that he was too fucking tired from working all day to think too deeply into it. 

Everything that had just happened - that was for later. After he was sitting on his soft couch three beers deep.

All he knew at that moment was he needed to talk to Kevin again, properly. Tomorrow, during Kevin's next shift. Then he'd fix things. Maybe. Hopefully.

* * *

Sangyeon half expected Kevin to call out sick the next day. He wouldn't have blamed him, considering the less than ideal circumstances. Fortunately, ten minutes before the official start of his shift Kevin scurried in. His hair was a tangled mess from the wind, the tips of his nose and ears red from the cold. He gave Sangyeon a little smile before disappearing into the back to grab his apron and name tag. 

It really did hurt Sangyeon's soul, how adorable Kevin was sometimes.

Especially now. God, especially now.

Sangyeon would be lying if he said he'd never thought about Kevin when the coiling in his gut got too tight to ignore. It was a shameful thing for him. He'd hated himself for it, still did. It'd never gone away entirely, still popping up every now and then.

Kevin was 22, had recently dropped out of college and took to working at the café full time. Too young for Sangyeon to even be thinking about in that context. Not to mention he was Kevin's fucking boss, and how could he ask Kevin to take on the responsibility of helping with his child? 

The number of boundaries he'd already crossed by just thinking about it were too much to think about. Whatever feelings had started to form he'd quashed them down as hard as he could, tried to forget about them as much as his overactive imagination would allow.

He knew Kevin was attracted to him, but nothing was ever going to happen between them. He always figured it was just a small, stupid crush that Kevin would eventually get over, anyway. And he thought Kevin had, but that was obviously not the case. 

Of course, it wasn't the fucking case. Nothing in his life was ever easy. 

There was always something new being thrown at him that he wasn't prepared to deal with. This was no exception. How the fuck was he supposed to be normal around Kevin? Kevin just had to go and call him a fucking DILF. _God_.

Now his mind was overactive again, thinking back to every little thing he'd imagined doing to Kevin, if only Kevin would let him.

Bending Kevin over the counter after there was no one left to see and eating him out till his legs shook. Taking him upstairs to the loft and fucking him on the couch, the bed, any feasible flat surface they could reach. 

Taking him to the expensive Japanese place down the road that had the best sushi Sangyeon had ever eaten. Taking Kevin to go see one of those artsy films he would prattle on about whenever they had a slow hour. Letting Kevin ride on the back of his motorcycle as they drove through empty country roads. Letting Kevin wear his jacket. His helmet.

It was dangerous, thinking about things like that. Especially now that he knew Kevin was interested. He'd start to get his hopes up, or he'd start to put expectations on Kevin that weren't fair. That was more than just getting his job done and doing it well. 

He couldn't do that to Kevin. Even if Kevin was serious about anything between them there was no way it could ever happen. It was unethical. Kevin was too young, his employee. There were too many reasons to count that he couldn't allow himself to delve any deeper than he already had.

The day went on without much incident, which Sangyeon was grateful for. Not too many rude customers. Hyejoo didn't threaten to splash hot coffee on Wooyoung's face for once. Kevin acted as if nothing had happened the previous night as much as he seemingly could, only getting a little red in the face when they brushed past each other.

Things seemed fine. Maybe they wouldn't have to talk at all. Maybe things would resolve on their own.

It wasn't until later in the day, did he realize that wasn't the case.

"Having trouble?" Sangyeon asked, standing beside Kevin to watch as he poured water from a glass jug into one of their drippers. 

Normally he wouldn’t step in, Kevin more than capable of keeping an even stream of water when he poured. When Sangyeon had spared a glance at him, though, Kevin had been visibly struggling.

"My hands are a little shaky..." Kevin said, quiet enough that only Sangyeon would hear. His eyebrows were furrowed as he watched the water pour, his lips slightly pursed.

"Here." Sangyeon said, placing one hand on top of Kevin's to steady his pouring. He could feel how much Kevin’s hand shook and gripped it only tight enough to keep it still. He kept his voice gentle as he said, "There you go. That's better."

"Am I..." Kevin paused. "Am I doing good, hyung?”

"Of course." Sangyeon said, settling a hand on Kevin's waist to keep them both standing steady. It wasn't supposed to mean anything. The thought that it could mean anything more only crossed his mind for a brief second before he quashed it down. "You're doing very good."

Sangyeon could feel when Kevin shivered, had to grab his hand in a tighter grip to keep the hot water from splashing onto the counter. Neither of them said anything, Sangyeon gently pulling his hand back until he was sure Kevin could manage on his own. The shakiness was still there but not nearly as bad, Kevin focused intently on keeping the water flow even. 

"See?" Sangyeon said, chest feeling tight. "Didn't even need my help."

"Sure, hyung." Kevin said, a small but self-satisfied smile on his lips. 

Sangyeon decided to ignore it. It didn’t mean anything. It didn’t. He couldn’t let his thoughts stray, especially when nothing had even happened. His hand had been on Kevin’s hip. That was it. 

Trying to urge away the thoughts didn’t take away the feeling that Kevin had wanted things to happen that way.

As Sangyeon was finding, that was not the only instance of Kevin ‘needing help’.

Sangyeon was in the back doing a quick inventory check on their soda and juice cases. He’d heard the door to the backroom open and slam shut but he hadn’t bothered turning around. He was far too engrossed in their lack of bottled lemonade and whether he needed to order any. It was winter, so maybe not, but children did sometimes ask for it…

“ _Hyung_ , I need help!” Kevin’s voice rang out loud and clear, tinged with the whiny tone he always used when he wanted someone to do something for him. Usually reserved for things he was more than capable of doing himself.

Sangyeon tossed his clipboard to sit on one of the soda cases before he turned to see what the problem was. Kevin was halfway inside one of their fridges, reaching for the shelves they usually kept their milk on. The shelves were a bit high, but Kevin was more than capable of reaching it himself.

“What’s the problem?” Sangyeon asked, not sure if he wanted to know. 

“It’s too heavy.” 

Sangyeon sighed, already picking his clipboard back up. “Seriously?”

Kevin wasn’t facing him but Sangyeon knew he was pouting. “Seriously! It’s too heavy. What if I drop it? I’ll get milk all over myself!”

Sangyeon immediately stopped what he was doing, squinting his eyes at the wall. Milk…all over Kevin…white…liquid…Kevin…

“I’m coming!”

From the side, Kevin watched with a pleased little smile on his lips, far too devious for Sangyeon’s liking. It was only one case that needed to be gotten down so Sangyeon decided not to grumble, accepting his fate as Kevin’s temporary butler.

If that had been it, Sangyeon would’ve forgotten about it by the next hour. Kevin did things like that sometimes, acting like a useless twink when things were heavy or gross. That was the thing, though. It hadn’t been all Kevin had done.

“You’re so strong, y’know.” Kevin said as he passed by, leaning against a shelf. “You could probably throw me around so easily. Make me do whatever you wanted.” 

That made Sangyeon pause, his grip on the milk case going impossibly tight. He could feel heat burn a path up to his cheeks, something that only Kevin seemed capable of getting his body to do. There was no mistaking that, what Kevin had said, what it meant. Only an idiot would be confused by the connotations. 

“What did you just say?” Sangyeon asked, though he wasn’t sure if he wanted Kevin to repeat it. He didn’t know if he’d be able to hold himself back from bending Kevin over the shelf if he dared say it again.

“Hm?” Kevin hummed. “Oh, nothing. Just that I’m glad you’re strong enough to carry those cases.”

Sangyeon sighed, tried to pull himself together. “Right.” He said, his voice shaking just enough that he knew Kevin would notice. “Come get the door for me.”

If Sangyeon had been an idiot, he would've taken Kevin's actions as an awkward kid stumbling into adulthood, attempting to flirt even when he knew nothing would come of it. The result of a small crush on someone with authority and a semblance of having their life together when things seemed uncertain. And maybe that's really what it was, or at least a part of it. 

Sangyeon knew better, though. He'd seen Kevin awkward and clumsy, had been an unfortunate witness to many of Kevin's mishaps. This wasn't anything like that. This was Kevin trying to escalate whatever had started that night.

Maybe if things had been different, Sangyeon would've been okay with it. Maybe if their age gap wasn't so large, or if Kevin wasn't his employee. The way things were, though, they couldn't allow things to go any further than they already had. Sangyeon couldn't allow it.

A conversation with Kevin was inevitable, that much was for certain.

Sangyeon decided to wait until Kevin was about to leave for the night before he said anything. No one around and all the cleaning for the night over and done with. 

An awful sense of Deja vu washed over him as he watched Kevin slip on his jacket. He waited this time for Kevin to have it on all the way before he said anything. 

"Kevin?" Sangyeon said, taking in a deep breath to steady his heart. The more they talked the harder it seemed to thud, battering against his chest enough that it started to hurt. "Hang back for a second, yeah?"

That same look of terror from the previous night was back on Kevin's face. Worse this time, his entire body going completely still, like he was bracing himself for what was about to come. "Yeah?" He said, voice quiet. 

Sangyeon gave Kevin a once over as he contemplated what he wanted to say and how to say it without hurting Kevin too much. We can't do this. It's inappropriate. It'll never happen. All the things he needed to say and - he couldn't fucking get them out. Not when Kevin already looked petrified.

"Good work today." Sangyeon settled with, hating himself the instant it came out. His own voice sounded strained and awkward to his ears. 

Kevin didn't seem to notice, a large smile forming on his face. "Thanks, hyung." He said, pulling on his hat. The little ball of fluff on top bounced as he turned to leave. "See you tomorrow!"

The second Kevin was out the door Sangyeon collapsed against the counter, grasping at the edge with a white knuckled grip. Was he so much of a coward that he couldn't even turn Kevin down easy? What was he supposed to do if Kevin came onto him harder than a few not so subtle moments? How the fuck was he going to manage that?

Maybe if he weren’t enjoying it so much it wouldn’t be a problem. That was the thing, though. He _liked_ it. 

Kevin pretending to need his help, or asking if he was doing well, if he was good – it drove him fucking crazy. And Kevin probably knew it as well. And if he hadn’t before, then he’d most likely been able to confirm it from how willingly Sangyeon went to his aide. 

That would be the last of it, though. Sangyeon wasn’t going to feed into the delusion anymore. No more giving Kevin what he wanted. No more putting himself or Kevin in situations that would lead to giving either of them hope. 

Knowing his luck, though, things would only get worse.

* * *

Kevin was late.

It'd happened before on a few rare occasions, when he'd accidentally slept in after a late-night class. It hadn't happened since Kevin had dropped out a few months prior, though. And if he was running late, he always sent Sangyeon a text. 

Thirty minutes into Kevin's shift and Sangyeon had heard nothing. If he didn't know Kevin as well as he did, he would've started to get pissed. Knowing Kevin, though, something urgent had probably come up. So instead of pissed, he got worried. Hyejoo and Eric were working that day as well, so the cafe would be fine. Kevin's wellbeing was of a bit more importance to Sangyeon, as he sent Kevin a second text to ask if he was okay.

Still no reply.

It was forty minutes into Kevin's shift before he finally came in, moving so fast he didn't spare a glance at Sangyeon or anyone else as he ran into the back. The brief look Sangyeon had gotten of Kevin was enough to show he'd forgotten his jacket and his hat. All he had on was the cafe t-shirt and his usual ratty jeans. Not remotely close to enough to keep the cold out.

"You got the front for a minute?" Sangyeon asked Hyejoo, who gave a nod. 

Sangyeon was thankful the cafe wasn't busy after the lunch rush had finished. Eric was wiping tables not too far from the front. They'd be fine on their own for the next few minutes.

Sangyeon opened the door to the backroom, already knowing where to find Kevin. Near the back, hidden behind one of the shelves that held most of their cleaning supplies. It was tucked away and easy to overlook if you weren't paying attention. Sangyeon had found Kevin there a few times when he'd gotten overwhelmed and needed a quick breather.

Just as he'd assumed, Kevin was there leaning against the wall, doing one of the breathing exercises Sangyeon had taught him. A yellow apron was clutched like a vice between his thin fingers. His hair was a windswept mess, eyes bloodshot when he looked up to meet Sangyeon's gaze. He gave a pathetic little sniffle and looked back to the floor.

"You know you have to tell me what's going on." Sangyeon said, stepping to stand beside Kevin at the wall. He kept a bit of space between them, enough that he wouldn't be crowding Kevin when he was already overwhelmed. "I'm not mad. I just need to know what happened."

Kevin sniffled again and wiped at his eyes. He took a final deep breath before he was going rapid fire, "My car broke down. It was working fine last night. Then this morning it didn't wanna start and my neighbor tried her jumper cables but it didn't work, then my phone died before I could text you and I couldn't find my charger and I had to borrow my neighbors phone to call Chanhee to come get me and-" 

"Breathe, Kev." He didn't let himself think about it any deeper than necessary. He just let himself step closer, wrap an arm around Kevin's shoulders. He could feel when Kevin tensed up, then when the strain melted away. Kevin leaned into him, forehead against his shoulder.

Kevin took another deep breath. "I'm sorry." He said, wiping at his eyes again. "I got here as fast as I could."

Sangyeon sighed and rubbed his thumb against Kevin's arm in gentle motions. Anyone with a little less sympathy would write Kevin up, or reprimand him. Sangyeon knew how Kevin's mind worked in stressful situations, though. He got overwhelmed easily, panicking instead of taking a second to calm himself down. 

He'd gotten much better in work situations, but outside of work Sangyeon knew Kevin still struggled. Being in your twenties wasn’t easy. Sangyeon was more than familiar with the chaos and confusion, and how easy it was to get lost in it. He saw a bit too much of himself in Kevin to be hard on him. At that age he would’ve reacted much worse. 

"I'm not gonna tell you what you should've done since I think you already know." Sangyeon said. “Now that it’s over you know what to do next time.”

Kevin laughed a bit, the smile only a little forced. "Hindsight’s a bitch.”

Sangyeon huffed out a laugh. “Yeah.” He said. “It really fuckin’ is.”

“I don’t know how I’m gonna get to work Monday.” Kevin said with a sudden burst of energy, close to panicking again. “I can’t - if it’s gonna be expensive to get it fixed I can’t afford it and Chanhee has morning classes and-”

“Kevin.” Sangyeon said, a little sterner than he’d meant to. It made Kevin stop though, and take another deep breath.

Sangyeon contemplated for a moment what would be the best thing to do. He knew the busses didn’t run to Kevin’s house, and if Chanhee couldn’t take him... Hyejoo rode her bike to work. Eric and Wooyoung lived in areas the busses stopped at and neither had cars as far as he knew. No one else except Sangyeon worked the same hours Kevin did and most of them didn’t have cars either.

Shit.

 _Shit_.

“Take your car to the shop tomorrow. If it’ll take a while to get fixed or you can’t afford it right away…” Sangyeon sighed. There weren’t any other options that he could think of from the top of his head. It’d only be a month at most anyway, so it wouldn’t be a big deal. It’d be fine. “I can give you rides. You’d have to get here earlier hang back a couple hours, but it’d be overtime and-”

“That’s too much.” Kevin cut him off, pulling away to look at Sangyeon with an exasperated look. “I’m like, a twenty-minute drive away. And you already live upstairs!”

Sangyeon shrugged, trying and struggling to seem casual. “It doesn’t sound like you have many other options. Gives me an excuse to go riding, anyway.” An hour a day on his motorcycle that he wouldn’t normally get otherwise didn’t sound bad to him at all. The only real issue was. Well. If Kevin came onto him again. 

“Hyung…” Kevin pouted, but less resistant than before. He twiddled his thumbs. “It’s just...are you sure it isn’t too much?”

“I promise.” Sangyeon said.

“Pinky on it?” Kevin said, holding out his hand. He stuck his pinky up, the nail painted red like on the rest of his hand. “Otherwise I’m gonna feel extra guilty.”

Sangyeon laughed and took Kevin’s pinky in his. “It’s just a couple weeks, Kev. Plus, you’ve never said no to overtime before.” He tilted his head, a smile slowly growing on his lips. “Are you…scared of the motorcycle?”

Kevin scoffed, quickly pulling his hand away. “ _No_.” He said, but it wasn’t very convincing. Either way he left no room for Sangyeon to tease him any further, shucking on the apron and hurriedly making his way back to the front. 

Sangyeon followed him, not bothering to muffle his laughter. As he stepped back out onto the floor Kevin flipped him off. A second before the door slammed shut behind him he leaned back in, sticking his tongue out. Sangyeon mirrored it, earning a sugar packet to the face.

That was enough to ease some of Sangyeon’s worries.

It’d be okay. They’d be okay.

* * *

The end of the night came quicker than Sangyeon was expecting. 

They were standing outside by Sangyeon’s parked motorcycle, Kevin staring at it with an expression that made it abundantly clear how apprehensive he was. The first ride was always scary, no matter how much you hyped yourself up or tried to deny your fear.

A motorcycle didn’t have the closed wall safety of cars, or the training wheels of a regular bike. You were open and exposed, safety depending only on the clothes on your back and the helmet on your head. And, most importantly, on how well you actually rode.

“You ready to go?” Sangyeon asked, about to shrug on his leather jacket. He hadn’t had the time to notice it before, but as he was putting his arm into the jacket it became glaringly apparent. Kevin didn’t have anything to wear for the motorcycle ride. No jacket, no helmet. Just a t-shirt and ratty jeans. 

He wasn’t about to let Kevin so much as sit on it without something protecting him. He’d just put it back on when he rode back. He’d suffered worse cold for longer, had rode in the winter without a jacket before. No way he was making Kevin do that his first time riding. “Kevin. Come here.”

“Why?” Kevin asked, pulling his scarf tighter around his neck. 

“Just.” Sangyeon sighed. “Just come here. Please.”

Kevin pouted but obeyed, shuffling over with a confused expression on his face. 

“Put it on.” Sangyeon said, holding his jacket out to Kevin. “No way you’re riding if you aren’t wearing it.”

Kevin’s pout got even brattier, his voice a little more indignant. “But-”

“No buts.” Sangyeon said, already opening the jacket up to put onto Kevin. If he wouldn’t put it on himself then Sangyeon would do it for him. “Come on, arms out.”

Kevin grumbled but finally relented, turning away from Sangyeon. He held up his arms, glancing behind him as he said. “I’m sure I’ll be okay for just twenty minutes.”

“I’m not taking any chances.” Sangyeon said, sliding the arms of the jacket onto Kevin’s outstretched ones. “I want to keep you safe.”

Kevin snapped his head forward at that, but Sangyeon could see how the tips of his ears burned. It wasn’t from the cold.

“This is ridiculous…” Kevin muttered, lowering his arms as he turned back to face Sangyeon. 

Just one look at Kevin and Sangyeon wanted to cry.

Sangyeon was an inch or two shorter than Kevin, but Kevin wasn’t nearly as muscled as he was. The size difference was made apparent when Kevin lowered his arms and the sleeves fell past the tips of his fingers. The entire jacket hung from him, obviously too big for someone as lithe as he was. 

It was too much for Sangyeon’s heart to handle. 

“One more thing.” Sangyeon said, hearing the shake in his own voice. If he didn’t somehow die from not wearing his jacket, he was certainly going to die at how good Kevin looked in it. Despite it being too big on him it looked…perfect. Like he was made to wear it.

Kevin didn’t seem to notice anything wrong, though, pulling Sangyeon’s jacket tighter around him as he watched him with a curious expression. “What?”

Sangyeon grabbed his helmet from the seat of his bike, holding it up for Kevin to see. “You’re putting this on, too.”

“What about you?” Kevin asked, tilting his head. He looked apprehensive. “Don’t you need something too?”

“I’ll be fine.” Sangyeon said. Before Kevin could argue he was sliding the helmet on his head, even as Kevin squawked and grabbed at his arms. He gave the helmet a soft pat, Kevin glaring at him from behind the visor. 

“I feel like you’re gonna make fun of me.” Kevin said, crossing his arms over his chest. The ends of the sleeves poked out from between his arms.

“No way.” Sangyeon said, looking Kevin up and down. “You’re adorable.”

Kevin huffed. “That counts as making fun.”

“Of course it doesn’t.” Sangyeon said, slinging a leg over the side of the motorcycle. He adjusted himself until he was comfortable, patting the space behind him. “You ready?”

Even with not being able to see Kevin’s face clearly behind the visor he knew the look of apprehension was back. Still Kevin shuffled closer, steadying himself with his hands on Sangyeon’s shoulders as he shakily slung a leg over the side. His grip on Sangyeon went white knuckled as he got comfortable, the bike rocking only a little bit as the weight shifted.

“Not so bad, right?” Sangyeon asked as he shifted the bike into neutral. He gripped the clutch but didn’t yet start it. “Grab my waist. Don’t want you falling off.”

Kevin’s arms were immediately around his waist, holding so tight Sangyeon thought he might suffocate. 

“You’ll be fine, Kev.” Sangyeon said, pressing into the clutch. Another few seconds and they’d be out of the lot and onto the road. “It’s just twenty minutes.”

Sangyeon kicked off, feeling Kevin's arms around him go impossibly tighter. It was uncomfortable, Kevin's arms pressing too tight into his stomach as cold wind whipped at his face. None of that mattered in that moment, though. The feeling of the biting wind, of Kevin's arms around him - it was exhilarating. Riding had never ceased to give him a rush no matter how many roads he passed through, but with Kevin behind him it was impossible to ignore the adrenaline pumping through him. 

It just felt...right. Like Kevin was supposed to be there, his arms crushingly tight around his waist.

The ride to Kevin’s home didn’t last nearly as long as he would’ve liked, empty streets giving easy passage to the little condo nestled in the bottom half of a unit. The porchlight was on, the front door open but the screen one closed. 

Kevin seemed all too eager to pull the helmet off, his hair sticking up every which way as he held it out to Sangyeon. “That…wasn’t as bad as I’d thought it’d be.”

“Told you.” Sangyeon said, having to hold himself back from reaching up to smooth down Kevin’s hair. “First time’s always scary, but it gets easier after.”

“Hope so.” Kevin said, going to shrug off the jacket. 

“Just. Keep it.” Sangyeon burst out, unable to stop himself before the words escaped. Any other person and he would’ve readily taken back his jacket but – it was different with Kevin. Something was telling him to let Kevin keep it, as senseless as it was.

“Are you sure, hyung?” Kevin asked, even as he pulled the jacket back around himself. “It’s cold…”

“I’ll be fine.” Sangyeon said, glancing up at the porch. “But you might not be. You’ve got an angry roommate on your porch.”

Chanhee glared at Sangyeon with eyes that pierced even under the flickering glow of the porch light. Before Kevin could turn Chanhee pointed two fingers at his eyes, then stabbed them back at Sangyeon. The look of contempt on his features turned softer as soon as Kevin was around, though.

“Thanks for the ride.” Kevin said, giving Sangyeon a final wave behind him before running up the path to the door.

Sangyeon could hear Kevin and Chanhee bickering as he mounted his bike, about how Chanhee was home earlier than he said he’d be, how Kevin shouldn’t accept rides from weird old men even if they are his boss. 

Sangyeon didn’t stick around much longer to hear the rest. Kevin was home, and that was all that mattered. Suspicious and overprotective roommates be damned.

* * *

For all the agonizing he’d done over having to give Kevin rides home, it hadn’t been anywhere near as bad as he’d been expecting. Aside from Kevin gripping onto him like a lifeline every morning and every night, nothing happened. Kevin didn’t come onto him. Sangyeon managed to hold down the urge to jump Kevin every time he slipped the jacket on and was subsequently engulfed in it.

A week came and went by quicker than Sangyeon felt it had the right to. In the mornings Kevin would do extra backroom prep in the mornings. Or at least pretended to, but Sangyeon had the feeling Kevin was taking power naps behind one of the shelves. As long as things got done Sangyeon would let him. There wasn’t anyone else around to see, anyway.

During the night when Kevin waited for him to finish up his last few duties, he’d sit at one of the tables, head in his arms as he snored softly. As soon as Sangyeon would make a loud noise or open a door he’d perk right back up, pretending he hadn’t been asleep for even a moment. 

And right on cue as Sangyeon opened the door from the backroom Kevin’s head shot up, his hair mussed and eyes a little bloodshot.

“Looking for crumbs again, Kev?” Sangyeon asked, shrugging on his spare coat. 

“Oh yeah.” Kevin said, rubbing at his eyes. “Tables clean as a whistle now.”

Sangyeon was only a few seconds away from asking if Kevin was ready to go when his phone buzzed. Instead of just ignoring it like he usually would this late he slipped it from his pocket. 

Oh, fuck.

⤷ **Kahei** : be there in ten minutes!!

⤷ **Kahei** : you didn’t forget you’re getting hyeja early tonight, right…?

It was Friday night, usually when he got Hyeja. Being the owner of the café, Kahei knew he’d always have to work a little later into the night so she would bring Hyeja later. On weekends it wasn't an issue, Sangyeon taking those days off, and Hyeja given a later bedtime than on school nights. She wasn't so young she needed to be kept on a tight schedule anymore. Either Sangyeon or Kahei would set her an alarm for the weekends on when to go to bed, and she'd done well enough following it.

That Friday night, things were a little different. And Sangyeon had forgotten.

Kahei had recently met a woman. Sooyoung. They weren't too serious yet from what he remembered, but their schedules lined up enough they would go on dates every other Friday night. Last week they hadn't gone on one, so that meant the current Friday night they would. Taking Kevin home had taken over most of his thoughts so it hadn't crossed his mind that he wouldn't be able to do it next week. And now it was nine, Kahei and Hyeja ten minutes away.

Shit.

"Shit."

"What?"

Sangyeon pinched the bridge of his nose. "I forgot I was getting Hyeja early tonight."

"Oh." Kevin frowned, but quickly tried to hide it. The split second it was there was long enough for Sangyeon to notice, though. 

"Is there anyone else that can take you home?" Sangyeon asked, but he already knew the answer. The look on Kevin's face said it all. 

"Chanhee's out of town." Kevin said, with a quiet voice, picking at the chipped polish on his nails. "I don't have anyone else..."

"Fuck." Sangyeon cursed, low enough that Kevin wouldn't hear. He wasn't about to kick Kevin out on the street or make him ride home with a stranger. It wasn't like there really was that option, anyway. There weren't taxis or anything of the sort in their town. 

There really was only one alternative. 

"You can sleep here tonight if you want. I'll just. Take you home in the morning."

Kevin looked up, his eyes comically wide. "Are you sure?"

"I'm okay with it." Sangyeon said, not sure if he really believed it. It wouldn’t be weird for Kevin to go upstairs into the apartment as he’d been there a few times before. Those had all been short visits, though, usually just for a few minutes at a time. Staying the night was entirely different. The intimacy of it made Sangyeon nervous.

Kevin bit his lip, looking back down at his hands. “I feel like every day it’s just something else you have to do for me.”

“It’s my fuckup, Kev.” Sangyeon said, placing a hand on Kevin’s shoulder. “If I’d remembered I would’ve just taken you home earlier.”

The bell above the door jingled, snapping both Sangyeon and Kevin into place. Sangyeon tried to hide the strain in his smile as Hyeja barged in, already ripping off her hat and fluffy, green winter coat with Kahei following behind her. He was always happy to see Hyeja, missing her dreadfully on the weekdays. The situation with Kevin just seemed to get worse at every turn, though, weighing on him more and more.

Sangyeon crouched on his knees, holding down a groan as he did. He held out his arms. “Get over here!”

“Dad!” Hyeja shouted, throwing her book bag to the floor along with her coat, booking it to where Sangyeon crouched to meet her height. She was on him in an instant, grabbing his nose and guiding him to look at her wrist. “Look at what Sooyoung got me!”

Hyeja held her wrist up to Sangyeon, four bracelets each made of different colored butterfly beads, interspersed with little white flowers. The bracelets themselves were a little loose on her small wrists, sliding down her arm as she held it up higher. They matched the other bracelets scattered on her wrists, most of them handmade with an assortment of pretty, little beads.

“Oh, they’re awesome. I love them.” Sangyeon said as he tugged her hand away from his nose, reaching up to muss her hair. “Go get your stuff. You know you shouldn’t leave it on the floor.”

“Fine.” Hyeja rolled her eyes but relented, walking back to grab her bag and her coat. 

“She’s a firecracker tonight.” Kahei said, sounding only a little exhausted. She had a smile on her face, though, lips painted a pretty red. “I think she’s more excited about my date with Sooyoung than I am.” The pleasant expression on her face turned a bit confused when she turned to Kevin. “Kevin, you’re still here?”

“His car’s broken down. I’m giving him rides home for the time being.” Sangyeon interjected as he stood back up, wrapping an arm around Kevin’s shoulders. Not to protect him, really. Just to comfort. Kahei wasn’t asking to be rude, or to be nosy, just to make sure he was okay. Kevin didn’t know her very well, though. Sangyeon knew he’d probably take it as judgmental. “I forgot I was getting Hyeja early tonight.”

“I figured you did.” Kahei sighed. “You work yourself too much, you know. Wouldn’t hurt to appoint another manager.”

Sangyeon rolled his eyes, knowing he probably looked just as indignant as Hyeja. “I’m fine. Just got a little distracted this week, is all.”

“Oh, sure.” Kahei said. She looked at them for a moment, before a smug, knowing smile started to form on her lips. “Kevin, how long have you worked here?”

“Three years…” Kevin said, voice quiet. He pressed a bit into Sangyeon’s side, grabbing at the back of Sangyeon’s shirt in a loose grip. Sangyeon let him.

“See!” Kahei said, throwing her hands up. Her nails were painted orange to match her hair. “Perfect manager material right there. He probably knows this place better than you do.”

Sangyeon didn’t have to look up to know Kevin was blushing, Kevin’s grip on his shirt going ever so slightly tighter. 

It wasn’t like Sangyeon hadn’t thought about appointing Kevin as a manager. He’d been there since the café itself had opened, the longest out of all his employees. He did his job well, treated customers well. Something had always held Sangyeon back, though. Kahei would call it stubbornness, saying he was just too damn reliant on himself. That he didn’t want to accept help even when he desperately needed it. Sangyeon…well, he wouldn’t disagree. Couldn’t. She’d be right. As usual.

“I’d have to speak to the higher ups.” Sangyeon said, earning an eye roll from Kahei. Just like the ones Hyeja always gave him. _You’re the only higher up, meathead,_ as Kahei usually said when he gave that excuse.

“I don’t know how you do it.” Kahei said to Kevin, not sparing another glance at Sangyeon. She clicked her tongue. “Is he paying you enough? I feel like you should get a raise.”

“I’m fine, ma’am.” Kevin said, voice in customer service mode. 

“Oh, he’s adorable.” Kahei said, turning back to Sangyeon. Her voice didn’t seem joking in the slightest as she repeated, “Give him a raise.”

Sangyeon opened his mouth to argue just to get on her nerves, but a loud and incessant car horn blaring from outside cut him off before he could. Kevin jumped out of his arms like he’d been burned, moving to lean against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest.

“I think Sooyoung’s tired of waiting.” Kahei said, an endeared smile on her face. It’d been a long time since Sangyeon had seen her so happy. “It was good to see you again, Kevin. Let me know if he doesn’t give you a raise. I’ll beat him into shape for you.”

“Yes ma’am.” Kevin said quietly. 

Kahei gave one final wave to Sangyeon and Kevin before walking to where Hyeja had taken a seat at one of the tables, planting a kiss on her forehead then making her way outside. 

"Kevin!"

Kevin's head snapped over to where Hyeja sat by herself, legs kicking as she tapped away at her tablet. He looked even more scared than he did when Kahei was talking to him. "Yeah?"

"Do you know who Markiplier is?"

Sangyeon could see the smile creep up on Kevin's face. "Oh, I love that guy!"

Sangyeon leaned over, whispering so Hyeja wouldn't hear and make fun of him. "Who the hell is Markiplier?"

The smile on Kevin's face turned downright devious. He waved his hand dismissively, not even looking at Sangyeon. "Nobody, nobody." 

Hyeja had an identical smile on her lips when she looked away from her tablet. She was already plugging in her Godzilla themed earbuds. "Do you wanna watch him with me?"

Sangyeon looked from Kevin to Hyeja, incredulous. "Why can't I watch Markiplier?"

The eye roll Hyeja gave him was soul crushing. He'd gotten it from Kahei on more than a few occasions when he’d said or done something stupid. "You wouldn't understand his humor, dad."

"Yeah, he's super niche." Kevin nodded. 

Sangyeon sighed. There was no winning this battle, especially not against those two. “Will you watch him upstairs, at least? I have some stuff to finish up down here.”

Hyeja didn’t seem too fussed, closing the cover to her tablet and shoving it into her book bag. “Come on, Kevin. We can watch him on the TV.”

Kevin followed diligently behind her as she used her green painted key to unlock the door to the staircase. Kevin shot Sangyeon one last conniving little grin before they disappeared behind the door, their footsteps and voices receding the farther up they went.

With only an hour or so left of work Sangyeon wasn’t worried about either of them. Hyeja was independent enough she didn’t really need to be watched and Kevin knew his way around the apartment. They’d be fine.

An hour later Sangyeon finally made his way up to the apartment, listening for the sounds of Hyeja yelling, glass shattering. Anything to indicate the chaos he was sure to walk into.

Instead he came upstairs to almost utter silence, aside from the muffled sounds of the T.V playing at a too loud volume.

Sangyeon went to call out as he opened the door to the apartment but quickly snapped it shut when he saw why everything was eerily silent.

Kevin was laid out on the couch, long legs sprawled in either direction. Hyeja laid on top of him in her Godzilla patterned pajamas, her head resting against his chest with her tiny fists clutching at his shirt. Kevin had an arm around her waist, holding her tight so she wouldn't fall. They were both passed out, so dead to the world they didn't stir at the sound of the apartment door clicking shut. Even the show playing loudly on the T.V wasn't enough to wake them. 

Sangyeon stepped quietly through the apartment, setting his bag down on the recliner as he made his way over to the couch. 

"Hyeja." He said, brushing strands of hair from her face. "Come on, let's get you in bed."

Hyeja blinked a few times, eyes misty with sleepiness as she sat up with a small groan. "What about Kevin?" She asked, voice so quiet Sangyeon had to strain to hear it.

"He's gonna sleep out here." Sangyeon said, lifting Hyeja up with ease. She dug her head into the crook of his shoulder, long hair tickling his jaw. "But you have a bed, so you need to sleep in it."

She sighed disappointedly but didn't argue, clutching tight at Sangyeon's shoulders as he walked down the hallway and towards her room with careful steps. 

Sangyeon opened the door quietly as he could, holding Hyeja with one arm as he reached to pull back the neatly made covers. As soon as she was under them, she curled up, burying her head into her green pillowcase. 

"You want the nightlight?" Sangyeon asked, pulling the blanket up a little higher so it covered her shoulders.

She shook her head. "Nightlights are for babies."

Sangyeon chuckled. "Alright. Love you."

"Love you too." She mumbled, pulling the blanket up over her head so only her hair poked out. A few seconds later and tiny snores could be heard from underneath. 

On his way out Sangyeon reached down to click on the nightlight, a habit he hadn't been able to break even though Hyeja no longer needed it. Sometimes it was hard, watching her grow up. Every year seemed to pass by in a blur, the tiny baby he'd held so tightly in his arms becoming a restless, chaos inducing toddler. Then the toddler became an independent nine year old who had no patience for adults who thought they could control her. Too many times Sangyeon and Kahei had gotten emails or calls from stressed teachers who had no idea how to talk to Hyeja, how to get her to behave, to focus. It'd taken more than once to explain to some that all she wanted was respect, to be listened to. 

It was scary, knowing that it wouldn't really be that much longer before Hyeja would be an adult. Nine years had already flown by so fast. Another nine and there was no telling where she'd be, what she'd be doing. If she'd want to keep Sangyeon in her life or if she'd forget about him, never even call.

He didn't like to think about it. She was his entire world, but he hadn't been perfect. He just wanted her to be happy, no matter what it took. 

Sangyeon let the door click shut behind him as he made his way to his own bedroom, grabbing one of the spare pillows and blankets from the closet. Even if Kevin were already asleep he could still lay the blanket out. He didn't want Kevin getting cold in the middle of the night.

When Sangyeon made his way to the living room, Kevin had already woken, stretching his arms above his head as he sat up.

"Hyeja in her room?" Kevin asked, reaching over for the remote to shut the TV off. 

"Yeah." Sangyeon said, holding the pillow and blanket out for Kevin to take. "Here. So you don't get cold."

Kevin thanked him quietly as he took the items, setting the pillow down and moving to lay his head against it. "Night, boss." He said with a quiet, groggy voice, pulling the blanket up over his waist.

"Night, Kev." Sangyeon said, ready to turn and head back to his room, exhaustion creeping heavy into his bones. He only got one step towards his room before he was stopped.

"Hyung?" Kevin said, reaching out to grab at his wrist. "Can I ask for something?"

Sangyeon turned back around, leaving his wrist in Kevin's grasp. "Sure."

Kevin stayed silent for a moment; eyes lidded as he stared at the dark TV. "Can I... Can I get a goodnight kiss?"

Fuck.

Sangyeon didn't move, staring down at Kevin's tired face. He looked half asleep, blinking rapidly every so often as his eyes began to fall closed. He...he didn't know what he was asking. He was too tired to comprehend it. That was why he asked. That was the only reason. Otherwise...otherwise he would've said nothing, would've just let Sangyeon go to bed. 

Sangyeon was just as tired himself, otherwise he would've told Kevin no, would've just gone to bed.

That's what Sangyeon had to tell himself, at least, lest he go insane. 

"Sure, Kev." Sangyeon said, pausing for a moment when Kevin's lips puckered out. Instead of doing what he wanted, he pushed Kevin's hair from his forehead, leaning down to press his lips there. "Night."

Kevin sighed but relented, releasing his already loose grip on Sangyeon's wrist. “Night.” He said, finally closing his eyes.

Sangyeon spared Kevin one last glance, eyes gazing over the lines of tension smoothing out as he slowly drifted, then made his way to his own bed to finally sleep.

* * *

Sangyeon woke with the sun peeking through his curtains, the sounds of the occasional car driving through the streets below. Everything was as it always was when he woke. Quiet, aside from the sounds of gentle city life. Peaceful as it usually was so early in the morning, everyone either still asleep or already gone for their duties of the day.

After a week of working downstairs, he needed the little bits of silence here and there. Saturday mornings were the perfect time for that.

Only a second later and the silence was interrupted by Hyeja’s offended, almost shrill yelling. "The recipe says two eggs, not three!"

Next came Kevin’s overly amused voice, "What's one more egg?"

"I don't want scrambled egg pancakes, Kevin!"

it took a moment before he could sit up properly, pinching the bridge of his nose as he tried to hold down the usual headache he got when he woke. The clattering of dishes coming from the kitchen didn't help, but the smell of cooking bacon certainly didn't hurt things. 

He grabbed his glasses he wore on the weekends, shoving them on haphazardly as he made his way from the bedroom to the kitchen. The smell of cooking food got stronger and stronger, the sounds of sizzling on the pans guiding him in his tired haze.

Hyeja and Kevin were side by side at the stove, Hyeja on her step stool that she didn't entirely need to use anymore. Hyeja was still in her pajamas, her hair an unbrushed, wild mess. 

"You guys having fun?" Sangyeon asked, stepping over to the stove to see what catastrophe awaited. 

Halfway cooked pancake batter sat in an almost neat circle on Kevin's pan, Hyeja poking at the bacon in her pan with a fork. Her hand was protected by one of their oven mitts as she moved the pieces around in the grease, every so often deeming one done and moving it to the plate covered in a folded paper towel. 

A little bit of a mess, but thankfully not a large one. He could forgive that if he was being fed.

"Good morning!" Hyeja said as Sangyeon came over, grabbing one of the darker pieces of bacon from the plate and holding it to his face. "Look! Kevin's really bad at making bacon. He kept burning it."

Kevin sighed, pushing at the edges of the pancake with his spatula ever so gently. "I wasn't burning it! I just like my pieces crispy."

"Burnt." Hyeja said, still taking a large bite from the bacon. She twisted her nose but ate the remaining half as well. "Disgusting. Tastes like butt."

“Some of us have to have taste, Hyeja.” Kevin rolled his eyes, flipping the pancake over with delicate ease. Some of the batter oozed out the sides, but the round shape was mostly kept. Only a little bit of a mess, but still entirely edible. 

Hyeja waved him off, instead turning to Sangyeon who was watching the bacon sizzle. "Go sit down!" She ordered, flapping her oven mitt hand at him.

"Fine." Sangyeon said with a sigh, grabbing a drink from the fridge before taking a spot at the table. Closer to the stove, so he could jump in if any disasters occurred. 

They talked as they cooked, Hyeja telling Kevin how she wasn’t any good at the games they played during her P.E classes, how she’d seen a video that said King Ghidorah originally had rainbow colored wings, how she really wanted TWICE to have another comeback soon. Anything and everything and nothing. And Kevin listened intently to all of it, always responding, never leaving her hanging or ignoring her, but never treating her like she was stupid. 

There’d been a few too many times that had happened. Sangyeon would finally invite someone to meet Hyeja and they would have no idea how to act around her. Be it fear or hatred of children, they’d lean down and talk to her like she was a toddler, or give her a half-assed greeting and ignore her for the rest of the meeting even when Hyeja tried to talk to them. 

It’d make Sangyeon wary to let anyone he was seeing meet her. He’d be upfront about having a child and they’d swear it to be fine and that they could handle a kid, only to show that they were incapable of a few hours around her.

Sangyeon would like to see this more. Someone looking at Hyeja and not brushing her off as some snot nosed brat but treating her like she was a person.

Of course, Kevin would be the person.

He was good with children, infuriatingly so sometimes. A child would come with their parents into the café and Kevin would be there, offering them one of the free cookie samples they always kept out. He was good at talking to them, making them smile or laugh. The few times he’d seen Hyeja before he’d done the same with her, making her smile wider than Sangyeon sometimes could.

Sangyeon had never failed to notice it. It’d only made his attraction towards Kevin even stronger, knowing that he would be good with children. Good with his daughter. That he’d be someone he could rely on with her. 

And looking at them now, he realized just how true it was. And just how much he wanted to see them every morning.

Above anything else, that realization was the most terrifying.

It was only ten minutes later that Hyeja was throwing off her oven mitt and putting it back in the drawer. She walked the plate of bacon to the table as Kevin moved the pancakes, both of them setting the plates neatly in the middle. 

“Bone appetite!” Hyeja shouted, Sangyeon only halfheartedly shushing her.

“Bon Appétit.” Kevin corrected, getting Hyeja’s tongue sticking out at him in response.

Breakfast continued without any problem. The food was edible, _good_ . Hyeja told Kevin about the video game she was playing between inhaling her food, and how she wanted a Switch for Christmas _so_ bad but how Kahei and Sangyeon had said no (they’d said maybe, and pooled their money to get her one). Kevin promised to let her play on his and she’d grabbed him by the nose with less efficiency than she did grabbing Sangyeon’s or Kahei’s to make him swear on his life. 

The time did eventually come that Sangyeon had to take Kevin home, Hyeja pouting on the couch while aggressively tapping her tablet after she’d given Kevin a hug and slipped one of her bracelets onto his wrist. 

“I hope you didn’t mind this morning.” Kevin said after he’d gotten off the motorcycle, Sangyeon’s jacket pulled tight around his shoulders. He looked nervous, fingers poking up from beneath the sleeves to rub along the leather arms of the jacket. “I didn’t wanna say no to her when she asked if I wanted to help her make breakfast. She seemed really excited.”

“It’s fine.” Sangyeon said, resisting the urge to reach out and grab Kevin’s hands. Kevin never wore gloves, and he could see they were red from the cold. “You made her happy. I’m not gonna be mad about that.”

Kevin smiled, staring at the ground as he kicked at the sidewalk. His voice shook when he spoke. “Um…it was nice. Doing that with you guys.” He sucked in a large breath of air, finally looking up to meet Sangyeon’s eyes. “I know it was probably a bother, me staying over. So thanks. For letting me do that.”

“I didn’t mind, Kev.” Sangyeon said, as sincerely as he could. “It was nice.”

Kevin nodded, bit his bottom lip. He got a strange look on his face for a moment as he looked at Sangyeon, his fingers curling into the leather of the jacket. A second later and he was leaning forward, so fast Sangyeon didn’t have time to think about what was happening.

By the time Kevin’s lips left the corner of his, it was too late to say anything. Kevin shouted a quick goodbye before running up the path to the front door. Within seconds he was behind the door and in his home, gone from sight, but not from Sangyeon’s mind.

As much as Sangyeon wanted to be angry, he wasn’t. He couldn’t be. Not in that moment.

Not when it felt so right.

* * *

The apartment was suspiciously quiet when Sangyeon got back home, save for the light spattering of sounds from the café below. At that point in the morning Hyeja would have one of her games loudly playing on the TV, curled up in a little ball in front of the couch with her Star Wars blanket and an overly large cup of orange juice. All that would be visible of her would be her hands clutching her purple controller, and the top of her head poking out from the bundle. 

There was none of that when Sangyeon walked in, though. It made him worry. Silence was never a good thing with Hyeja. It meant she was planning something or had already done something stupid.

“Hyeja?” He called, pressing a hand to the TV as he walked past it. Cold. She hadn’t turned it on since he’d left, then.

“Kitchen!” She called back to him, her voice slightly muffled.

Sangyeon sighed, feeling a little stupid for getting worried. She was probably just eating the leftovers and sneaking some of his coffee.

Hyeja sat at the table facing the entrance, her tablet which she always kept close to her nowhere to be seen. All she had with her was one of his expensive wine glasses, filled with orange juice. And a few pieces of bacon on a napkin.

“Are you supposed to touch my nice glasses?” Sangyeon asked, leaning his hip against the counter.

“Yeah, on important or special occasions.” She said, taking a sip from the glass. “You said so.”

Sangyeon sighed. “I did, but I don’t see how you stealing the leftovers is either of those.”

“It’s not that.” She rolled her eyes. “I have something important to ask you.”

That had Sangyeon scared. She always asked such weird or invasive questions. If that was a nine-year-old thing, or just a Hyeja thing, Sangyeon wasn’t quite sure.

“Shoot.” Sangyeon finally said, not really sure if he meant it.

“Is Kevin your boyfriend now?” She asked, sounding far too excited. “Please say yes. I really want him to come over again.”

Sangyeon felt his chest seize up, his throat tightening so quick he thought he would choke. He should’ve known this was coming. He never invited anyone to stay the night at the apartment when Hyeja was over, no matter how close they were. Kevin had been an exception, and Hyeja had noticed. She wasn’t stupid, and she always paid more attention than Sangyeon thought she was.

“No.” He said, taking in a deep breath to steady himself. “Kevin’s not my boyfriend.”

“Why?” She asked, frowning. “You’re like, super gross with him.”

That made Sangyeon pause. “I’m. I’m what with him?”

Hyeja sighed, taking a large gulp of her juice. “Mushy. Like how mom is with Sooyoung. It’s gross.”

“I am not mushy with Kevin.”

Hyeja gave him an unimpressed look. “Oh please, old man. Propose and get it over with.” 

“Alright, that’s it.” Sangyeon said, stepping over to the table and snatching the glass of juice from Hyeja’s hand. “No nice glasses for people with no manners.”

Hyeja huffed but didn’t argue, crossing her arms and pouting. “I just want you to be happy again.”

Sangyeon stopped, setting the glass down as carefully as he could, scared he’d shatter just how his heart had. “Hyeja, I am happy. I have you. That’s all I need.”

“That’s what mom said.” Hyeja snapped, eyebrows furrowing. “Mom said she was happy but she wasn’t. You guys are always lying to me and I hate it.”

Sangyeon circled the table, crouching down beside where Hyeja sat to meet her eyes. They were watery with unshed tears. “Hyeja.” Sangyeon said, taking her small hand in his. “I’m not lying. You’re enough to make me happy.”

“But you’re even happier with Kevin.” She said, sniffling. She turned to face Sangyeon, reaching up to grab his nose, like she always did when she wanted him to pay the utmost attention. “And I think it’d be really cool if he came over again. He knows that Godzilla is a girl and he said he’d let me play on his Switch.” 

“Do you just want me to date Kevin so you can steal his Switch?” Sangyeon asked, pinching her nose back. 

“Maybe.” She said with a huff, slapping his hand away. “But I’m serious! You looked happy when he was here.”

“Well, Kevin’s nice. I like spending time with him.” Sangyeon said, seeing no reason to lie. Romantic feelings or not Kevin did make him happy. “That doesn’t mean I want to date him.”

Hyeja propped her chin in her hand. “Well, do you want to?” 

“Yeah, but-” Sangyeon paused, squinting at Hyeja. It’d only been a second too late that he’d realized her plan, and she already had a smug grin forming on her face. “You’re an evil, evil little girl.”

“And you’re a gullible old man.” She said, patting him on the cheek. “You’re lucky I’m here to take care of you.”

“Yeah.” Sangyeon said, sighing as he conceded defeat. “I am.”

* * *

"Did you know it was supposed to snow today?" Kevin asked, his voice cutting through the steady silence that'd filled the cafe for the past hour or so.

"It's snowing?" Sangyeon asked, feeling stupid as soon as the question was past his lips. 

The door to the cafe was see through, though the earlier darkness from the winter made it harder to see when glancing out. There was no mistaking the little white flakes that were falling, though, filling the sidewalk and street at a rapid rate. It wouldn't be long before the entire street was snowed in. It wouldn't take long to get plowed, but Kevin lived farther out of the city more into the rural part of town. It'd take a few days before those would get the same treatment as the city roads. The conditions wouldn't be safe to drive in, especially not on his motorcycle. In the time they'd been engrossed in working they'd neglected to look outside once. The snow was already so thick there'd be no point in trying to drive in it. 

Another night of Kevin sleeping on his couch it seemed.

"Ugh, I should've checked the weather." Kevin said, collapsing dejectedly against the counter. "Chanhee said something about bringing my boots today...He's all the way in France with his boyfriend yet he still checks the weather for me."

"Looks like you're staying the night again." Sangyeon said, clapping Kevin on the back, trying his damndest to seem casual about it. "I can't drive in this weather."

"Figured." Kevin said, rubbing at his forehead. "Can I borrow some pajamas this time? If I sleep in my jeans again I'm gonna go berserk."

Sangyeon sighed. Worse and worse it got at every turn, but there was no reason to refuse Kevin something as simple as that. It wasn't like it was his jacket anyway. Just some pajamas. It'd be fine. 

As he was about to get back into wiping down the last table for the night he felt his phone buzz. He didn't need to look to know it was Kahei but he checked anyway just to make sure.

⤷ **Kahei** : i’m not gonna be able to bring hyeja tonight. i’m not driving through snow in the dark -_-

"Looks like I'm not getting Hyeja tonight." Sangyeon said, shoving his phone back in his pocket. "Snows even worse where they are."

Kevin groaned. "Great. The house is gonna get covered."

Sangyeon laughed. "Not looking forward to shoveling?"

"Keep talking and you're getting this dirty rag on your face!"

A couple hours later and they were finally done, Sangyeon double checking the lock on the cafe entrance before turning to make his way upstairs.

Once they were finally upstairs he went to grab Kevin the same pillow and blanket as before but had to stop himself. One glance at the couch and he knew there was no way he could make Kevin sleep there again. Especially not after it still had the smell of soda and barbeque embedded in the cushions after Hyeja spilled her dinner all over it. 

"You know what." Sangyeon said, stopping Kevin before he could enter the disaster zone, "You can take the bed tonight."

Kevin gave him a confused look. "Why?"

"Probably don't wanna sleep on that thing." Sangyeon said. "Hyeja got a little angry at a game after you left...might've spilled some stuff on it. It... doesn’t smell too great at the moment."

Kevin snorted. "Alright, whatever you say."

Kevin followed Sangyeon to the bedroom, looking far too casual for how stressed Sangyeon felt in comparison. First Kevin was going to wear his clothes again, next he was following Sangyeon into his bedroom. It felt like the devil had it out for him, forcing him into situation after situation that took things another step too far. In reality it was just Sangyeon, time and time again making stupid decision after stupid decision. 

It was a wonder he hadn't gone completely insane yet. 

"Just...let me know if you need anything else." Sangyeon said, digging an old pair of pajama pants and an old band t-shirt from one of his drawers. "If it gets too cold I've got some more blankets."

Kevin smiled, though something about his expression seemed more expectant than just simply grateful. "Thanks, hyung."

Sangyeon left Kevin alone in the bedroom after grabbing his own clothes to wear for the night, heart thudding in his chest hard enough to hurt. Nothing had happened yet he felt like a fucking teenager again, inviting someone over for the night to his ratty apartment. This wasn't a hookup, though he still couldn't shake the feeling of tension. Something on Kevin's face made it seem like he'd expected something more to happen, for Sangyeon to do something. Yet he hadn't looked disappointed when Sangyeon had bid him goodnight and shut the door. Just...defeated. 

"The pants are too big."

Sangyeon looked up from the TV to the hallway entrance, his blood going from ice cold to blazingly hot in the span of an agonizing second. 

Kevin stood there against the doorframe, Sangyeon's shirt falling off the edge of his shoulder, draping so far down his lithe legs it looked more like a dress. And fuck, his legs. Even with only the light of a dim lamp and the TV Sangyeon could still see the milkiness of them, the thin but sturdy muscle underneath the soft skin. 

“Gonna say something or just stare at me?” Kevin asked, brushing away strands of hair that’d fallen into his eyes. 

Sangyeon opened his mouth, not quite sure what he wanted to say or what he even _could_ say, but Kevin took the initiative before he could figure either out. In a split second he was pushing away from the doorframe and making his way to the couch. 

Before Sangyeon could say or do anything else, Kevin was sitting down, pressing up against his side. If he hadn’t been frozen in place he would’ve moved, would’ve tried to keep Kevin from sitting down. The sight of Kevin’s exposed legs had him paralyzed, even worse as Kevin pressed to his side, moving one of his legs to tangle between Sangyeon's. He was half on Sangyeon's lap, head resting against his chest, fingers tangling into the neckline of his t-shirt. 

Sangyeon wasn't sure what to do at that moment. It didn't feel...wrong. More like everything he'd been wanting for so fucking long, pretending it wasn't at the forefront of every thought he had about Kevin. 

"What are you doing?" Sangyeon asked. He didn't push Kevin away, as much as the sensible side of him begged and pleaded. He was so tired of denying himself, pushing the want aside. He’d let himself have this, if only for a moment. Just a moment.

"I'm tired of pretending there isn't something going on, hyung." Kevin said, fingers tracing Sangyeon's collarbones. "Either we talk about it or I’m walking home in the snow.”

Sangyeon felt his chest seize up, felt his heart come to a complete stop. He should’ve seen it coming, should’ve known the second Kevin sat down. He’d tried so hard for days, weeks, months. So long to pretend he didn’t feel anything towards Kevin. And it hadn’t worked. Kevin had seen right through him.

He couldn’t allow himself or Kevin to get their hopes up, though. Nothing could happen between them, not when the circumstances were so unforgiving.

Sangyeon swallowed, wanting to tell Kevin the truth so badly. He couldn’t, no matter how much he wanted it. Giving in would fuck them both over in the long run, he was sure of it. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Kev.”

Kevin scoffed, pushing himself off the couch and away from Sangyeon in an instant. Anger distorted his sharp features into something Sangyeon had never seen before, and never wanted to see again. “Are you kidding me?” Kevin snapped. “You’re - you’re fucking with me, right?”

Sangyeon shrugged, wanting so badly to take the frown from Kevin’s face. Pretending had done nothing for either of them. Now he had to let Kevin down. Easy or not. “No idea what you mean.”

“You’re unbelievable.” Kevin muttered, hands rubbing at his exposed arms. Goosebumps prickled along the surface of his skin, and Sangyeon wanted to warm them away. The annoyance and anger in his voice made Sangyeon shrivel up, though. “Fine.” Kevin spat. “Whatever. Thanks for letting me stay, I guess. I’m going to bed.”

Kevin disappeared into the hallway, shoulders hunched and footsteps quiet. He didn’t slam the door like Sangyeon expected, instead shutting it with a click so quiet he barely heard it.

Sangyeon hated it. He hated it with every fucking fiber of his being. In all his three years of knowing Kevin he’d never seen him so mad. He’d seen Kevin annoyed, frustrated, but never outright angry. Kevin tried so hard to be upbeat, to be a source of happiness for everyone. It hurt Sangyeon to his core, knowing he’d been the one to make Kevin break.

What choice did he have, though? He’d already let things go too far. He had to dial it back before they went over the line another step too far.

He didn’t want to ruin things, but it seemed no matter what he did or how much he tried he made another mistake. He’d allow himself too much or would pull too far away. Every decision he made seemed to be the wrong one, even if his gut told him it was right.

He was so tired of denying himself, so tired of doubting himself. Hating himself for putting Kevin in this situation, for giving him any hope when he should’ve backed away the instant he had the chance.

Now it was too late. He’d fucked it all up, no remedy he could think of that would soothe Kevin’s heart. 

An hour passed with nothing but silence, Sangyeon staring at beams of moonlight splayed along the ceiling. Sleep would’ve been a blessing for Sangyeon’s restless mind but no matter how long he kept his eyes closed it never came. He’d try to quiet his mind only to be met with a barrage of his own mistakes, how he’d hurt Kevin when that was the one thing he’d tried so hard to avoid.

If it was going to be like that all night, he needed a cigarette. Damn the snow. 

He sat up, stretching his arms above him as he did but paused when he felt his phone vibrate. Without even having to look he knew it was Kevin. What it said, though, he couldn’t be sure. He swallowed down his nerves, grabbing his phone and turning it on. 

⤷ **Kevin** : can you come here? 

⤷ **Kevin** : please

⤷ **Kevin** : i don’t wanna be alone

Sangyeon sighed, tossing his phone back to the couch as he stood. Damn the snow, damn the cigarette. Too many times he’d had a chance to end things and he’d fucked every single one up. This one he wouldn’t. 

Kevin sat at the end of the bed; arms crossed protectively over his chest. He looked so small, turned in on himself as he stared at the floor. 

“Kevin-”

“If you really don’t feel the same way just tell me.” Kevin said, grabbing tighter at his arms. His voice was trembling, but not from tears or nervousness. Anger. “I’m so tired of this. I’m tired of not knowing.”

Sangyeon sighed, clenched his fists tight enough his palms stung from his nails digging in. He needed to, so he wouldn’t do something he knew he’d regret. “Even if I did, we can’t do this. You know that.” 

Kevin didn’t look up. “Because I’m your employee? Or because you have a kid? Because you’re fifteen years older?”

“All of that.” Sangyeon said, trying so hard to sound firm in his stance. “All of it, Kevin. Do you really think it’s a good idea for us to even bother trying?”

“I think it’s stupid to not at least try.” Kevin said. “And I think you know that. As if we haven’t been edging the line the past month.”

Sangyeon didn’t need to ask to know what Kevin meant. He didn’t bother acting shocked, either. Making Kevin wear his clothes while riding had started out for safety, but letting Kevin keep the jacket was a step too far. Letting Kevin stay the night in his apartment hadn’t just been him being courteous. Letting Kevin spend time with Hyeja for as long as he had? There was no pretending he only let that happen entirely by accident. 

He’d wanted all of that, had been testing to see how far Kevin was willing to let it go, how much Kevin wanted. He’d been ready for Kevin to back out at so many points, to give it up. He hadn’t, though. Through it all he’d stayed and asked for more.

Another second of pretending and Kevin was going to snap. Sangyeon didn’t feel much different.

“You’re awful at keeping things platonic or professional.” Kevin said, fingers digging tighter into his arms. “I’m even worse. I let it happen.”

“It’s – I’m sorry.” Sangyeon said, scared his voice would crack. “I got your hopes up. I shouldn’t have. I should’ve ended things before they started.”

“You believe that?” Kevin asked. “You really believe this isn’t worth it?”

“I don’t know.” Sangyeon said. His voice cracked that time. “But this can’t go further.”

“Fine.” Kevin snapped, his voice so close to cracking. “You were the one person I could honestly say wasn’t a fucking coward, but I guess that isn’t really the case.”

Sangyeon felt annoyance flare up inside him, but it was nothing compared to the guilt. He knew he was a coward. He’d tried so hard for so long to pretend there wasn’t anything between them, telling himself it was for Kevin’s sake. And maybe that was part of it, but it wasn’t the whole truth. 

He was scared. So fucking scared of ruining everything. Of hurting Kevin, himself. Of fucking everything up all over again and losing someone he cared about so much. He’d tried so hard to hide it from Kevin, but Kevin had seen right through him. 

Still, Sangyeon tried to fight, even with the last of his resolve burning away. “You know it’s not as simple as y-”

Kevin didn’t relent. His voice was venomous as he spat, “Coward.”

Sangyeon dug his nails deeper into his palm. “We can’t-”

“Coward.”

Sangyeon couldn’t take it anymore. Each word was another crack in his already close to shattering resolve. “Kevin.” He said, his jaw tensing. “Shut up, _please_.” 

“Then tell me you don’t feel the same way. Fucking lie to me. Just-” Kevin’s voice cracked. “Just tell me I’m not good enough.”

“You know I can’t do that.” Sangyeon said, all the anger melting away in an instant. Under the anger Kevin was just as scared as he was. Maybe even more. He’d tried, though, despite the fear, despite the uncertainty. That was more than Sangyeon could say.

Sangyeon knew his voice was shaking. He didn’t care. He wanted Kevin to hear it, know he wasn’t unaffected like he’d tried so hard to portray himself as. “You know I want you.”

Kevin finally looked up at that. His eyes were wet with unshed tears but there was no sorrow on his face. Just clear resolve, even more apparent in his voice when he spoke. “Then stop being a coward and do something about it.”

That was all it took for the pin to drop, for the glass walls he’d so carefully built to shatter into a million, tiny pieces.

Sangyeon swallowed down his pride, swallowed down his fear. Forced down all of the thoughts that scratched at the back of his mind. He was not going to stop himself anymore. He was tired, and he just wanted Kevin.

Kevin scrambled up onto his knees, taking to kneeling at the edge of the bed. It took every ounce of Sangyeon’s already fragile self-control to not push Kevin onto the bed and bite bruises into his exposed thighs. 

“You know we can’t take this back.” Sangyeon murmured, even as he placed his hands on Kevin’s waist, even as he pressed their foreheads together. “Or pretend it never happened.”

“I know.” Kevin said, fingers gripping at Sangyeon’s shirt. “I don’t want that - I just want you.”

Sangyeon pulled Kevin closer. “And I don’t want a one time thing.”

Kevin nodded. “I don’t, either.”

“And-”

“Hyung.” Kevin snapped, moving his hands up and twisting his fingers into Sangyeon’s hair. “Shut up. Please.”

"What would you rather me do?" Sangyeon asked, but he already knew the answer. He needed to hear Kevin say it, though.

"Kiss me, for starters."

Sangyeon swallowed, fingers digging into Kevin's hips hard enough he could feel the flesh give underneath his grip. He didn't want to hesitate anymore, didn't want to hold himself back. He wanted it. Wanted Kevin.

Kevin loosened his grip in Sangyeon’s hair, sliding his hands down to hold his palms gentle against Sangyeon’s cheeks. He thumbed along Sangyeon’s cheekbones, touch so light Sangyeon could barely feel it.

“Kiss me.” Kevin’s voice was soft, pleading. He looked at Sangyeon with lidded eyes, still wet with the tears he hadn’t shed. “Please?”

In the end Kevin was the one to finally bridge the gap between them, huffing in impatience as he did. He practically pulled Sangyeon forward, pressing their lips together as his nails dug indents into Sangyeon’s jawline. It wasn’t gentle, or soft, or anything that Sangyeon had imagined this being the times he’d allowed himself to. Kevin was rough, teeth digging into his bottom lip as he kept his grip tight on Sangyeon’s chin. 

Sangyeon didn’t bother to be gentle, either. He’d been gentle with Kevin for so long, holding himself back, pushing Kevin away. 

He dug his fingers into Kevin’s waist, tight enough he knew there’d be marks in the morning. He pulled Kevin forward, turning his head so he could press his tongue into Kevin’s willing mouth. 

Kevin opened up so easily for him, fingers curling into his hair as he pushed his tongue against Sangyeon's. Every time Sangyeon would grip his waist tighter, push his tongue deeper, Kevin would let out a tiny whimper, his nails scratching along Sangyeon's scalp. 

Sangyeon felt his stomach tighten at every noise, desperate to hear how Kevin would cry out for him at everything else he wanted to do. 

Sangyeon pulled away, sucking at Kevin's bottom lip as he did. He could feel spit on his chin, groaned as Kevin's fingers brushed through it. His mouth opened willingly as Kevin pushed two of his fingers inside, letting his lips close around the thin digits. 

"Hyung." Kevin murmured, his voice breathless. 

Sangyeon met Kevin's eyes, reaching up to grip his wrist before Kevin could pull it away. He slid his tongue between Kevin's fingers, pulling his lips back before bobbing down again. The look on Kevin's face was worth the spit that dripped down his chin, down his neck. He sucked on them one last time before pulling away completely, pressing a hand to Kevin's shoulder and gently pushing.

"Lay down." Sangyeon said, giving Kevin another gentle nudge.

Kevin went willingly, scooting back until his head laid against one of the pillows, his hair splayed around him like a mock halo. Without any prompting he spread his legs, letting Sangyeon crawl between them.

There was so much bare skin for him to touch, Sangyeon hyperaware of how exposed Kevin was to him. It'd be so easy to move down, bite along Kevin's thighs and suck into the smooth flesh until it was bruised pink and red. The marks would last for days, a reminder that Kevin wouldn't be able to get rid of until they faded. 

Sangyeon settled for smoothing his hands up Kevin's legs, trailing his fingers gently along Kevin's calves and up the soft inner skin of his thighs. A tattoo was inked into the flesh on his outer right thigh, a coiled snake with scales colored a fiery red and deep, shocking blue. Sangyeon traced over the scales, over the length of the snake and up to the forked tongue and purple eyes. Somehow he hadn't noticed it before, the ink so prominent yet dull when compared against Kevin's presence.

"When'd you get this?" Sangyeon asked, dragging his knuckles along it. 

"Year ago." Kevin said, fingers hooking under the hem of his shirt. He began to trail it up, exposing the tight briefs he wore that left nothing to the imagination. A bulge was already forming at the front. "I have more. If you wanna see."

Sangyeon swallowed, digging his nails into Kevin's skin. "You're gonna drive me crazy."

Kevin smiled. "That's the plan."

Sangyeon did not waste time. He urged Kevin to sit up only long enough to tug the shirt off, tossing it in a forgotten corner before pushing Kevin back to the bed maybe a little harder than he should have. Kevin didn't fight it, dragging his nails up his own toned stomach.

The sight of Kevin almost completely bare was too much for Sangyeon to handle. Any more and he worried he truly would go insane, Kevin so fucking beautiful he couldn't seem to process it.

His nipples were pierced, thin silver bars running through them with white gems on the ends. Similarly, his navel was pierced, the silver chain ending in a white crescent moon. Even more tattoos were inked across Kevin's stomach, his ribs. Words that Sangyeon couldn't focus long enough to read, shapes of the overgrown wildflowers that grew along the sides of the empty roads in their town in the spring and summer. An orca whale breaking from the water on his upper ribs. All of them were small things that looked like they could be washed away from how delicately they were traced into Kevin's skin.

"Oh." Sangyeon said, splaying his hands along Kevin's waist, trailing them upwards until his thumbs rested right underneath Kevin's nipples. "You're fucking gorgeous."

Kevin bit at his kiss bruised bottom lip, his legs squeezing tight around Sangyeon's waist. "You're not too bad yourself." He said, reaching up to twist his fingers into Sangyeon's shirt. "Think you could take this off?"

Sangyeon didn't hesitate in giving Kevin what he wanted, pulling his shirt off in a swift motion and tossing it aside.

"Jesus." Kevin hissed, suddenly scrambling up. 

He moved quickly, flipping them over so that Sangyeon was the one pressed against the mattress with Kevin between his legs. Sangyeon didn't fight it, letting Kevin move him how he wanted until his arms were above his head, Kevin pressing his wrists together tight.

"Keep them there." Kevin said with a finality Sangyeon couldn't hope to refuse, moving himself until he was face to face with Sangyeon, leaning forward to press their lips back together.

Sangyeon let Kevin push his tongue into his mouth, digging his nails into his own wrists as Kevin sucked at his tongue, wanting so desperately to reach down and grab at Kevin's waist, his ass. He listened, though, keeping his wrists still above his head even as Kevin began to move down, pressing his lips to the spot he'd kissed the previous week, along his jaw. Further down Kevin moved, biting at his neck, his collarbones. No patch of skin seemed left untouched, Kevin mouthing over his pecs until he dragged his tongue over a nipple.

"Oh, fuck." Sangyeon groaned, feeling his arms flex involuntarily as Kevin's hot, wet tongue swirled over the sensitive flesh that'd been left cold by the winter air seeping into the apartment. 

Kevin was incessant, wrapping his lips around the nipple and sucking, the sound so wet and lewd in the otherwise silent apartment. He didn't let up even as Sangyeon writhed, licking over the bud until the sensitivity began to hurt.

He gave the same treatment to the other nipple, pressing open mouthed kisses along Sangyeon sternum until he reached it. He let spit gather on his tongue before he swirled it in slow circles, his hand squeezing at the firm flesh of Sangyeon's pec as he bit at the perky bud.

"Baby, please." Sangyeon groaned, finally reaching down to tangle his fingers into Kevin's hair. "Come on.”

Kevin pulled off with a little pop, grinning at him with his spit wet lips. He moved up a little bit, just far enough he could comfortably reach down to cup where Sangyeon was tenting his sweatpants. "Want something else?"

"You gonna make me beg for it?" Sangyeon sighed, pressing his hips up into Kevin's hand.

"Mm." Kevin hummed, dragging his thumb along the outline of Sangyeon's cock, then digging it into where a small wet spot had already managed to form. "Maybe. Depends on how bad you want it."

"I think you can figure out how bad I want it." Sangyeon said, twisting his fingers tighter into Kevin's hair. 

Kevin pulled his hand away, moving to press it against Sangyeon's stomach. "Oh, I don't know." He said with a sigh, running his fingers along the bumps of Sangyeon's abs. In a split second the look on his face turned devious, an impish grin curling on his thin lips. His eyes were dark when he met Sangyeon's gaze, but his tone was sickeningly sweet as he asked. "Want me to suck your cock, daddy?"

Sangyeon felt all the air leave him at once, a strangled sound leaving his throat before he could hold it down. All the blood in his body rushed south into his cock, the length of it giving a visible twitch that Kevin didn't miss.

"Kevin." Sangyeon said, trying to sound firm even though he knew his voice was shaking. "Get your mouth on me before I do something I'll regret."

Kevin hooked his fingers over the hem of Sangyeon's sweatpants, ever so slowly tugging them down. "You gonna choke me on it?" Kevin asked, giving the sweatpants a hard tug until the front of Sangyeon's boxers were exposed. "Gonna fuck my throat, daddy?"

" _Kevin_." Sangyeon hissed, moving his hand to the back of Kevin's throat, and giving it a rough squeeze. "I'm serious."

"Alright." Kevin said, trailing his knuckles along the length of Sangyeon's cock. "I'll give you what you want."

Sangyeon sighed in relief, letting his head fall back against the pillows as Kevin finally pulled his boxers down so his cock could spring free. The loss of constricting, wet fabric into the cold air was enough to have him shivering. It was all only made worse as Kevin's hand gently wrapped around the base, thumb rubbing against the skin. 

"Shit." Kevin groaned; eyes so glazed over he looked almost in a trance. He leaned down without hesitation, dragging his tongue in a wet stripe over where precum beaded along the slit. 

Kevin kept an arm braced along Sangyeon's stomach but the sight of it was almost pathetic, his forearm seeming so small and frail against the muscles along Sangyeon's abdomen. Sangyeon knew if he really wanted, he could push or pull Kevin how he wanted, could bend him over and fuck him right then. And he knew Kevin would let him. That's not what he wanted, though, not at that moment at least. Right then he wanted Kevin to take, to control. He could have his own fun later. 

The sight of Sangyeon's cock seemed enough to break Kevin from his teasing. He sat up only long enough to tug Sangyeon’s sweatpants and boxers down and off his legs, throwing them aside. He didn't bother with any preamble as he wrapped his lips around the head of Sangyeon's cock, tongue flat as he let his lips pop off with a wet sound. 

"You're unreal." Kevin said quietly, gathering precum on his tongue before swirling it in wet circles around the head. 

The feeling of Kevin's tongue against his skin was enough to have him reeling, made worse when Kevin wrapped his lips around the head again, only to slowly begin sinking down. 

"God, Kevin." Sangyeon moaned, digging his heels into the mattress so he wouldn't fuck up into Kevin's mouth and choke him. He was so tempted, though, as Kevin met his eyes as he continued down with his lips wrapped almost painfully wide around his cock. 

It took a few more moments but finally Kevin's lips met where he had a hand wrapped around the base of Sangyeon's cock. The wet, constricting heat of Kevin's mouth made Sangyeon whine, a throaty sound he was sure he'd never made before. 

He'd had his cock sucked before, had felt the pleasure of it enough times but this was just - so much better than anything he'd had before. It was someone he loved doing it to him, someone he'd wanted for so long and finally had. There was no way anything before could compare when it was placed against Kevin.

"That's it, baby." Sangyeon said, a strangled moan getting torn from his throat as Kevin began to bob his head in slow motions. It was a struggle to get the next words out without his voice cracking. "Making daddy feel so good."

Almost instantly Kevin let out a muffled whine, his grip on Sangyeon's cock going tighter as he pulled his head off and away. It was only for a second, Kevin letting spit drip from his tongue onto Sangyeon's cock before he was spreading it along the length in wide, wet strokes. 

The hand he'd kept pressed to Sangyeon's stomach was suddenly gone as Kevin moved it down, brushing it gently along Sangyeon's skin as he grazed it over where his thigh met his groin, squeezing his balls. Then even further down, Kevin’s thumb pressing against his perineum. 

Sangyeon jolted at the pressure, grabbing at Kevin's hair with a grip he knew was too tight. Kevin didn't fight him, though. Only moaned with a high pitched sound, moved his head faster, pressed even harder into the skin of Sangyeon's perineum. 

"Fuck-" Sangyeon cried, feeling the coil in his gut get too tight for his liking. He tugged at Kevin's hair, urging him off his cock. "Baby - Kevin-"

Kevin pulled off in a slow motion, spit practically dripping from his lips as he moved off. "Too much?” He asked, voice a bit rough but still sickeningly smug.

"No." Sangyeon said, sighing as Kevin began to place careful kisses along his thighs. "You're so good."

Kevin preened at the praise, nuzzling his nose into Sangyeon's thigh. He paused for a moment, sitting up a bit to properly meet Sangyeon's gaze. "Can I-" Kevin cut himself off, biting at his bottom lip. He seemed far too nervous for Sangyeon's liking, his fingers digging into the flesh of his thighs. 

"Can you what, baby?" Sangyeon asked, brushing his fingers gently through Kevin's hair. He had an idea of what Kevin wanted but he wasn't going to force it. He was going to let Kevin get there himself, let him get the words out without too much goading. 

"I really wanna." Kevin sucked in a breath. "I wanna eat you out. Really bad."

Sangyeon moved his hand so he could brush his thumb against Kevin's swollen lips, biting at his own when Kevin parted them willingly. He moved his thumb to press against Kevin's tongue, rubbing against it in gentle motions as Kevin whined. 

"You're precious." Sangyeon said. "Of course you can eat me out."

Sangyeon pulled his thumb from Kevin's mouth, spreading the spit on it against Kevin's cheek.

Kevin moved down again, his lips on Sangyeon's stomach, on his thighs. Sangyeon hooked his hands underneath his knees, pulling his legs up at Kevin's urging. It'd been a while since he'd been exposed like this, someone with their fingers against his hole, but it felt too good for Sangyeon to complain. Kevin was gentle, rubbing slow circles against Sangyeon's hole as he trailed his lips further down, tongue poking out to trace along spots that had Sangyeon jolting. 

The first swipe of Kevin’s tongue over his hole was enough to have Sangyeon slapping a hand over his mouth, the whine he’d barely managed to muffle breaking through the gaps in his fingers. He wasn’t given any time to relax, to prepare himself. Kevin was incessant with the strokes of his tongue, spreading his spit in wet swipes until he was finally pushing his tongue against the ring of Sangyeon’s hole. 

Sangyeon could feel himself shaking as Kevin pushed his tongue deeper, his fingers sliding against the sweat as he struggled to keep a proper grasp on the underside of his knees. Every wet stroke inside him had him crying out, his nails digging lines of welts into his legs. Kevin was so good, but he knew he couldn’t take much more, or he’d be coming much sooner than he wanted. 

“Baby, come here.” Sangyeon said, pulling Kevin’s hair with a gentle tug. 

Kevin followed the pull, his chin even wetter than before as he moved back up to press his lips to the corner of Sangyeon’s mouth, his cheek. Sangyeon met him halfway, guiding Kevin’s tongue into his mouth as he ran his hands down the bumps of Kevin’s ribs and along his hips. Even with the cold of the bedroom air Kevin’s skin was warm to the touch, slick with sweat.

“You wanna get these off?” Sangyeon asked, dipping his thumbs under the hem of Kevin’s briefs. 

Kevin gave a hum of agreement, pulling away long enough to kick his briefs from his legs. He was quick to crawl back into Sangyeon’s lap, running his hands along Sangyeon's abdomen and up to his shoulders. 

"Come on." Sangyeon said, scooting up enough that he was half against the pillows. "Let me suck you off."

"Hyung, you can’t just say things like that." Kevin groaned, sitting up on his knees as he moved forward. He let out a strangled noise as Sangyeon gripped where his thighs met his ass and urged him closer, his hands tangling into Sangyeon's hair with a stinging grip. 

"That's it, baby." Sangyeon said, moving one of his hands to grip Kevin by the base. 

Kevin's cock was thin but a good length, enough that Sangyeon knew he could choke himself on it. Sangyeon let the head of Kevin's cock rest against his tongue, slowly pushing his head down inch by inch even as his neck twinged in pain. The hand he had on Kevin's thigh he used to urge him closer, getting Kevin's cock even deeper into his throat. He could hear Kevin gasping above him, could feel his scalp sting as Kevin's grip went even tighter. 

Spit made a trail down his chin as he pulled off of Kevin's cock, dragging his tongue from the base to the head in a wet, steady motion until he could flick it against the slit. 

"You wanna fuck my throat, baby?" Sangyeon asked, sliding his hand up just enough to grip Kevin's ass. Small but enough to squeeze, making Kevin let out a pathetic little whimper. 

Kevin nodded his head, teeth digging into his bottom lip as he moved to straddle Sangyeon's chest. His pupils were blown wide as he pressed the tip of his cock to Sangyeon's tongue, his own mouth hanging slightly open as he pushed inside. 

"Oh, God." Kevin hissed, hands scrambling to grip at the headboard. He didn't stop moving his hips closer as Sangyeon pulled him towards his mouth, his entire body seeming to curl forward the farther down his cock went. "Shit, hyung."

Sangyeon hummed, dropping his jaw the slightest bit further as he helped Kevin guide his hips, the thrusts slow and shallow at first. It seemed Kevin was nervous just as much as he was desperate; knuckles white against the headboard as he rocked his hips against Sangyeon's mouth. The thrusts didn't stay gentle for long, Kevin letting out a cracking whine as he moved his hips harder, pushing his cock down Sangyeon's throat.

Sangyeon gripped harshly as Kevin's ass, digging his nails harder into the pert flesh every time Kevin fucked a little too deep into his throat. He didn't keep them still for long, though, using one hand to spread Kevin just enough he could reach to rub two of his fingers against Kevin's hole. 

That was enough to have Kevin crying out, so loud that Sangyeon worried uselessly the neighbors would hear. He didn't let up on the pressure, though, neither him or Kevin caring that the drag against his hole was dry. Kevin's hips struggled forward and back as he let out tiny gasps, his thighs trembling harder than they were before.

Sangyeon knew to pull away then, pushing Kevin until his cock slid wet from his mouth and sprang back against his stomach.

"You're a menace against society." Kevin said with a shaking voice, not fighting as Sangyeon moved to press him against the bed. 

"What about you?" Sangyeon asked, reaching between them to grip Kevin's cock. "Always showing up in tight little jeans, driving me fucking crazy."

"Yeah? That was the point." Kevin said with a smug grin, his thighs squeezing together as Sangyeon stroked his cock. 

"You have no idea-" Sangyeon said, squeezing his fingers tight around the base of Kevin's cock to watch him squirm. He stroked him faster, rubbing his palm against the head on every upstroke. "-how close I was every day to bending you over that counter when it was just us."

Kevin gripped at the sheets by his head, pressing his face into the pillow. His long, black hair was a mess, splayed out in haphazard strands, some clinging to his face from the sweat. "You should've." He said, his voice breathless. "I wanted you to, so bad."

"This is better." Sangyeon said, grinning when Kevin whined as he released his cock. "Because I get to take care of you. Just how you deserve."

Kevin scoffed but didn't argue, watching intently as Sangyeon stood from the bed to dig in his bedside dresser to find his lube and a condom. "You gonna fuck me?" He asked, fingers making trails over his own chest. 

"If you want me to." Sangyeon said as he crawled back onto the bed and between Kevin's legs. "Is that what you want? Or do you want to fuck me?"

"Want you to fuck me." Kevin said, brushing his fingers over his nipples. He looked almost feline spread as he was against the sheets, sharp eyes narrowed as he stared up at Sangyeon. "Might as well put that cock to use for once."

"Yeah? Think you're doing me a favor?" Sangyeon asked, setting the lube and condom aside as he moved to hover above Kevin. He pressed his lips to Kevin's throat, biting at the fragile flesh. 

"Think an old man like you could use a favor every once in a while." Kevin said, even as he hissed at the sting from Sangyeon's teeth.

It didn't matter that he was joking, not to Sangyeon.

He kept his teeth dug in harshly and sucked, not letting up even as Kevin squirmed underneath him. It didn't matter to him that the mark was high up it'd be almost impossible to cover without makeup. All that mattered was that Kevin would have it as a reminder, that he would have it as a reminder as well. 

"Don't act so cocky." Sangyeon said after he pulled away, satisfied with the indents of his teeth surrounded by the raw flesh. "Maybe I'll go find some other desperate little twink. One that doesn't have such a smart mouth."

"You could." Kevin said, sucking in a sharp breath as Sangyeon pressed a thumb into the bite mark. He let out a shaking breath, trying and failing to sound cocky as he said, "But where's the fun in that?"

Instead of doing anything to feed Kevin's brattiness, Sangyeon reached up to flick Kevin's forehead. "Behave." He said, unable to keep from chuckling at the unimpressed look Kevin shot him.

"Fine." Kevin said, sticking out his bottom lip in a faux pout. "You're no fun."

Sangyeon huffed out a laugh, pressing his lips to the sharp point of Kevin's collarbones. "I'm not?" He asked, pressing another kiss to Kevin's sternum. One more right above Kevin's nipple before he lifted his head, tilting it a bit as he asked. "Should I just leave you here by yourself then?" 

Kevin grabbed at his hair in an instant, nails scraping along his scalp. "Please don't." He said, voice only a little whiny. "I don't want to be the only reason you have to clean your sheets in the morning."

"Don't worry." Sangyeon said, leaning back down to press a wet kiss to Kevin's chest. "I won't leave you by yourself, baby."

Sangyeon made his way slowly down Kevin's body, flicking his tongue languidly against his nipples in motions he knew were too gentle. He didn't let up even as Kevin tugged incessantly at his hair, drawing steady circles before sliding his tongue against the silver barbells. 

He was just as unhurried as he pressed soft kisses along Kevin's stomach, making a clear path down the trail of blue thimbles that were watercolored along Kevin's ribs. He steered away from Kevin's cock, moving over his thigh to where the snake was coiled in its scales of red and blue. 

" _Hyung_." Kevin whined, spreading his legs further apart without Sangyeon's prompting. "Please."

"Alright." Sangyeon said, pressing a final kiss to Kevin's knee. "I'll give you what you want."

It only took a moment for Sangyeon to grab the lube and flip the cap open, the liquid cold as it dripped against his fingers. He made sure to coat them evenly, letting it warm before he had Kevin hold his legs apart by his knees. 

"Fuck." Sangyeon sucked in a deep breath at the sight of Kevin's hole, unable to stop himself from pressing his lube wet fingers to it and rubbing in sure circles. The sound of Kevin crying out, the sight of his hips jolting - it was enough to drive Sangyeon near insane. "Do you realize how beautiful you are?"

"You're just saying that cause I'm letting you fuck me." Kevin said, voice cracking as Sangyeon began the slow press of one of his fingers inside. "Oh God, why are they so big..."

"Feel okay?" Sangyeon asked, not pressing any further until he was sure Kevin was fine.

"Peachy." Kevin said, his legs trembling where he held them up. "Just - fingers're bigger than mine."

Sangyeon hummed, squirting a bit more lube over Kevin's hole as he fucked his finger in and out in easy pumps to push it inside. One became two after a few more moments, Sangyeon curling them gently as he pushed them against Kevin's walls. It didn't take long before he found it, before Kevin was jolting so hard, he almost kicked Sangyeon in the face. 

"Jesus." Kevin moaned. Sangyeon could see where his nails had dragged welts against his skin, new ones forming as he struggled with the grip against his thighs. 

Sangyeon kept the thrusts of his fingers against Kevin's prostate, slowly rubbing against it every time he pushed them inside. He didn't give Kevin any leeway even as Kevin trembled against the bed, little moans spilling from his lips turning into choked whines the more Sangyeon made circles against his prostate, even worse when two fingers became three. 

"Please-" Kevin whined, toes curling. "I'm gonna cum - please-"

Sangyeon was gentle as he pulled his fingers from Kevin's hole, replacing them with another pump of lube where Kevin was stretched open. 

"Ready for me to fuck you, baby?" Sangyeon asked, already knowing what the answer was.

Kevin didn't even bother with any smart quips, only biting his lip and nodding. "Please, hyung."

Sangyeon was ready to push Kevin against the bed and press his cock inside but there was still one more thing he needed to make sure of before they went any further.

"Kev." He said, knowing he was about to ruin the entire mood. "Are you..." He swallowed. "...You know?"

Kevin blinked, his gaze going from one of desperation to one of exasperation in less than a second. "Waffled with the blues? No, not since the last time I checked."

"Well. That's. That's good." Sangyeon said, feeling the lube against his fingers getting cold. "That you're not. Waffled. With...the blues."

Kevin sighed. "Hyung? I think you should get your cock inside me before I go find some other old man in need of a favor."

The idea of Kevin spending the night with anyone else was enough to kick Sangyeon into high gear, the awkwardness leaving his limbs as he fished the condom from the sheets to rip open and slide down his cock. He spread the last of the slightly chilled lube along the length of his cock, shivering under the cold and under Kevin's now heady gaze. 

The wet gape of Kevin's hole was too enticing for Sangyeon to deny himself of anymore. It was a measured press against Kevin as he moved his hips forward, letting Kevin wrap his slim legs around his waist as he felt Kevin constrict inch by inch around his cock. Kevin didn't try to rush it, reaching up to wrap his arms tight around Sangyeon, fingers making trails of welts like the ones on his thighs along Sangyeon's back. 

"You're so good, baby." Sangyeon murmured, lips against Kevin's ear. "Fucking perfect."

The final press inside is enough to have Sangyeon groaning, Kevin so wet and tight around him it was almost unbearable. Stupid, feral instinct was telling him to fuck into Kevin, fuck him until he was screaming. Sangyeon knew better, though, gripping at the sheets with a white knuckled grip as Kevin made small, desperate noises beneath him.

"You're a menace." Kevin muttered into the crook of his neck, voice muffled and strained. "A menace."

"You're just as bad." Sangyeon said, rocking his hips in shallow motions. He pulled up enough to see Kevin's face, how the same splotchy redness he got from embarrassment had made its way from the tips of his ears down the tips of his shoulders. Sweat matted hair stuck to his forehead. His lips were raw, his chin wet with spit. He looked a mess, desperate and beautiful. "Making me fall in love with you."

"Oh-" Kevin's nails went painfully deep into the skin of his shoulder blades. He squeezed painfully tight around Sangyeon's cock. "Oh, God - if you're gonna make me cry, make it from your dick now, emotions later."

Sangyeon didn't argue with that, instead pressing his lips to Kevin's forehead, his cheeks, his nose, his lips - as he pulled back and gave a hard, tight thrust forward. He could feel how Kevin clenched around him, saw how his eyes fell closed. He thrusted forward, again and again, his hips slapping against Kevin's ass in an almost rhythmic motion. The bed shook underneath them, the headboard rapping against the wall with every hard thrust he gave forward.

Kevin was beautiful, his hair bouncing as he was fucked into the bed, his head tipping back against the pillows and exposing his neck. There was no hesitation as Sangyeon leaned down to bite against the same spot he'd left earlier. 

The response he got was immediate, Kevin's legs tightening around his waist, his walls clenching down hot and tight around Sangyeon's cock. The cry he let out was muffled behind the teeth biting as his bottom lip, his entire face pinched in pleasure. 

"Feel good, baby?" Sangyeon asked, so breathless he could barely get the words out. He didn't let up, not for a moment, even as the ache in his muscles began to ache and the coiling in his gut became tighter and tighter. This wasn't about him, not really. This was about Kevin, giving him what he deserved. Giving him everything that Sangyeon had denied the both of them for three long years. 

"I'm gonna cum-" Kevin gasped, tears spilling down his cheeks as he squirmed. "Hyung - please - gonna cum, _please_ -"

Sangyeon wrapped a tight hand around Kevin's cock, pumping him in measured strokes as he fucked into his hole. It only took a moment, Kevin's body going stiff as his walls clenched wildly around him. Cum spurted from his cock and between their stomachs, his cries picking up in pitch as Sangyeon didn't stop fucking him. 

"Cum on me-" Kevin said, his voice pleading. "Please, please-"

Sangyeon didn't waste a second, knowing he was only a few moments away himself from coming into the condom. He helped Kevin flip over, pulling at his waist until his ass was in the air and face in the pillows, legs kicked apart far enough to expose his still gaping hole.

Sangyeon pulled the condom from his cock and cast it aside, sitting up on his knees as he pulled Kevin's hole with his thumb. He spit into it, letting out a shuddering breath as Kevin cried into the pillows. 

He pumped his cock quick, his hand making sickening, wet noises. He could feel it in his thighs, his stomach, every muscle going tense. His cum splattered against Kevin's ass, his hole, the tops of his thighs. Sangyeon didn't stop until every last drop was out, dripping down Kevin's skin in white trails. 

It took a second before Kevin could flip back over, his entire body shaking as Sangyeon helped him settle against the mattress.

"Hyung?" Kevin asked, eyes still wet as he looked up at Sangyeon. 

"Yeah, baby?" Sangyeon asked, pushing the sweaty hair away from Kevin's face. He dragged his thumb against the sharp point of Kevin's cheekbone.

Kevin sighed contently, letting his lashes flutter against his cheeks as he closed his eyes. "Do you have anything to eat other than bacon and pancake mix?"

Sangyeon snorted, pressing his forehead to Kevin's. "I think I have some eggs." 

Kevin smiled. "Perfect."

* * *

The snow had stopped falling by the time they woke in the morning. A white blanket covered the streets and the sidewalks, no hope of it melting until the grey clouds in the sky finally dispersed. 

Kevin sat at the table as Sangyeon cooked, a pan of bacon on one side and a pan of eggs in front of him. He'd added butter and salt at Kevin's instruction, who was also offended by the lack of ketchup to go with it. Sangyeon had curled his nose but added it to his shopping list. Maybe in anticipation of the next time Kevin would stay the night. Maybe it had already been at the back of his mind. 

It didn't matter either way. He had Kevin at his table in his shirt, drinking a cup of the coffee he'd made, a content smile on his face as he scrolled aimlessly on his phone. The mark on his neck was still prominent, blooming a rose red against his skin. 

"Does it hurt?" Sangyeon asked, turning up the heat on the eggs.

"This?" Kevin hummed, running a finger against the mark. "Little bit. I like it, though."

Sangyeon frowned, setting his fork down and turning to lean against the counter. "Even though it hurts?"

Kevin shrugged. He set his phone and coffee down on the table, standing and stretching. The shirt he wore rode up to expose the snake along his thigh. "Doesn't matter." He said, taking the few steps from the table to the stove. He stopped right in front of Sangyeon, running his hands up his bare chest and to his shoulders. "You gave it to me."

Sangyeon huffed out a laugh. "Also gave you these." He said, running his fingers to the little red marks littered across Kevin's exposed collarbones. "You like these too?"

"All of it." Kevin said. "It's a good reminder."

Sangyeon smiled. "Of what?"

"That you want me as much as I want you." Kevin wrapped his arms around Sangyeon's waist, leaning down to press his head into the crook of his shoulder. "That you love me as much as I love you."

They stayed like that a moment, chest to chest, Sangyeon close enough he swore he could hear Kevin's heartbeat. All he could feel was Kevin's warmth against his skin, the smell of his still lingering cologne. 

"Babe?" Kevin said.

"Yeah?" Sangyeon sighed contently. Everything was finally going so well. Everything was finally perfect.

"Eggs're burning.”

Even if the breakfast he served Kevin was burnt, even if the sun was blocked by ugly, grey clouds, everything was perfect. He had Kevin, and that was all he needed. 

**Author's Note:**

> ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
> 
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> 
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